Trophy Tuesday: Seriously

The Republican National Committee has my home address. I'm not sure how this happened, because I can list on one hand the times I've voted for a Republican. And one of those was William Weld - is he even a Republican anymore?

But here we are, with the RNC sending me mailers touting "Republican Census!"

I'm less concerned with how this happened than what I've learned from it.

Though I'm pretty sure it's a prank by someone on my Facebook who doesn't like my anti-Trump rants. 

Or it could be that time I filled out one of those RNC online polls about Trump, but I don't recall putting my correct address in there. 

The RNC has sent me no less than 4 questionnaires about what Trump's agenda should be and how they should best support it. They are very, very, very curious about what I think Trump should focus on.

I guess they already know what they're focusing on -  their big donors' wishes. 

It's like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" story, except it's a President's agenda.

The Democrats have never sent me mailers like this.

There are a lot of bold-faced words, exclamation points and mentions of deadlines. It even says "Process Immediately!" in the return envelope corner. It looks EXACTLY like the marketing materials for Publisher's Clearing House.

Not that I ever fell for that stuff  or anything. 

But unlike Publisher's Clearing House, the postage is not prepaid. That's right - those undermining the post office are making you support it instead. I literally cannot recall ever being asked to fill something out by mail and not having a prepaid envelope to return it in. This includes small mid-western wedding invitations, charity solicitations and a poll from a local bakery.

Until I started getting stuff from the RNC.

It's hard to use the word "tacky" in the year 2018, what with the Kardashian empire and all but. . .

The RNC is tacky as hell. 

You'd think a Romney (the chair is Mitt's niece) would know better, wouldn't you? 

Trophy Tuesday: That Bitch Is Totally Wrong

So I'm way behind on this story, mainly because I no longer have babies and never watch vloggers, but . . .

I need to talk about the woman who said she breastfed while having sex. 

The story appeared in my Facebook feed and I just. . . .

I mean. . . .

What the actual HELL?

Look, I breastfed all of my kids. 

Ironflower weaned herself at 11 months. She also had formula on many occasions because some days she wanted a damn bottle. If you know Ironflower, this makes perfect sense. The boys were a different story. 

Lovebug and Hugmonkey nursed exclusively and compulsively for the first 6 months of their lives. I nursed those boys everywhere. I even nursed Lovebug during a hike to a glacier in Alaska. 

My boys nursed so often that I used to joke that I could do anything one handed. 

Clearly "anything" was not the word I should have used. 

Because I never had sex or even fooled around while I was nursing. Or bottle feeding Ironflower. I think I may have intentionally flashed Hot Guy a few times, but that was only to get him ready for the quickie that we would have when we put the baby down in the crib in the other room. 

One comment I read defending this vlogger said, "What if the baby cries when you're about to climax?" 

Um, then the baby cries for a minute. Mama deserves her orgasm.  

Apparently this mom is an attachment parent vlogger who tags her breastfeeding videos as #sexy.  

First of all, breastfeeding is not sexy. 

Second, this is not multi-tasking, this is boundary crossing.  

Third, how can you possibly think being apart from your baby for 30 minutes will traumatize them but sex noises and bouncing won't? Newsflash: Neither will at the time, but think about whether you'd like to know that your parents had sex while your mom was feeding you or that they let you cry a bit so they could have adult time?

Fourth, your parents probably let you cry so they could have adult time.

Fifth, you don't really need 30 minutes if you're actually horny.

Sixth, don't procreate with a guy who cannot wait until you finish nursing. 

I can't help but think that this is some warped version of a super-mommy complex. As in, "I never let my baby cry AND my husband is always sexually satisfied." That's a recipe for disaster, or at least a future dependence on chemical substances, if I've ever seen one. Just imagine what's she's going to do when she's got a feverish preschooler who won't leave her side and a husband who expects his needs to be met no matter what. 

Actually, DO NOT imagine that.

The reason I saw this awful story is that a feminist page I follow shared an essay in her defense. I've been a feminist (and alive and a parent) longer than all of these people, so I feel completely justified in saying that making breastfeeding the "sexy" choice and/or compatible with satisfying all your man's sexual desires DOES NOT MAKE YOU A FEMINIST ROLE MODEL.

It does make you a breastfeeding asshole, though.

Trophy Tuesday: Ammosexuals

As I start this draft, we are 24 days into the new year. So far there have been 11 school shootings.

It's America's thing.

Really. 

I discovered this in the bathroom at Hugmonkey's school last week. It's a PreK-3 school. I mean, on one level, this is great. It's very clear on what to do. But on another level, like the fact that it has to exist. . .

I will never forget what it felt like to walk into that school the day after Sandy Hook. Ironflower and Lovebug had their winter concert and suddenly parents had to sign in and there were police officers on hand and you had to wear a red sticker and I think I cried during the whole concert.

The whole culture of the school changed overnight, it seemed. And I was so grateful that my second grader and my first grader and my preschooler were safe and that the school was doing everything in its power to keep them safe.

I was also furious.

I remain furious.

I also remain grateful, because of course I'm grateful every day that I get to be with my kids. But gratitude is not getting a trophy today. 

I first saw the term "ammosexual" on Twitter. Twitter is also where I 'met' my first ammosexuals.

I've known gun owners all my life. I won't say I've been around guns all my life, because all the gun owners I knew kept that shit locked up. My mother talked fondly of her stepfather hunting to supplement their grocery budget; Hot Guy talks fondly about growing up doing the same. Other family had their guns for protection; some had them for both. Hell, when my cousins lived in Alaska they brought guns on hikes. Because of bears.

Most gun owners are not ammosexuals. Most gun owners would like universal background checks, for example. Most gun owners do not belong to the NRA, which has gone from a force for education to a force for paranoia. Most gun owners, like most citizens, would like to know the most effective ways to reduce mass shootings and gun suicides.

Ammosexuals will literally spend hours trying to convince you that suicides and mass shootings cannot be reduced and so the CDC shouldn't study gun violence.  that any US citizen should be able to buy as many guns as he or she wants, regardless of domestic violence restraining orders or mental health issues. Some ammosexuals will try to convince you that Sandy Hook and Las Vegas were fake or orchestrated by the "Deep State" as an excuse for the government to seize all the guns.

Other ammosexuals have decided that Sandy Hook and Las Vegas and every other mass shooting are the price we all must pay so that they can always buy as many guns as they want. Ammosexuals are convinced that their right to bear arms must be unlimited, despite Scalia's assertion otherwise.

Ammosexuals' entire identities are so tied up in gun ownership that even the idea that some people don't want guns around them at the movies or the grocery store is threatening. This would be like me being threatened by the Amish, attached as I am to modern conveniences like cable TV and the internet. Or by those homesteader people who live off the grid (some of whom are, in fact, ammosexuals).

Except that I'm not.

And if the CDC wants to study how social media contributes to suicide rates? I support that. I hope they're doing that, actually.

What kind of asshole doesn't want to figure out the best way to reduce suicides? Or mass shootings? Or domestic violence?

Oh, wait. We know about domestic violence. The presence of a gun increases the risk of homicide by 500%.

I've had no less than 4 Twitter ammosexuals respond to that statistic with, "They should have left." As if it's that easy. As if that's not what triggers more homicidal violence.

Ammosexuals love guns more than they love people.

Fuck you, ammosexuals. Fuck you, Russian backed lobbying arm of the ammosexuals, aka the NRA. And fuck you politicians who listen to the NRA over American voters.

Trophy Tuesday: Even Assholes Get Trophies at Triplezmom

Welcome to the inaugural Trophy Tuesday at Triplezmom, where everyone gets a trophy.

Especially assholes. 

Last month, I attended 3 holiday concerts. At one of them, I got to hear the same dad who was incensed about handing out participation trophies at soccer (which our program only does until 2nd grade, might I add) complain that his kid didn't have a special part in the concert.

(Note to local readers: I don't actually know who this guy is. I see him around, but none of our kids have been in class or on a team together and I've never made the effort to get to know his name, for reasons that are probably already clear. If you know who he is, please don't tell me. I don't want to know.)

He's not the first parent I've heard complain about everyone getting a trophy. He's also not the first parent I've heard complain about how not every kid gets a special moment to shine at the concerts.

But he is the first one I've heard complain about both.

If I was as confrontational in public as I am on this blog (and Twitter), I would have pointed out that while every kid gets a trophy at soccer, every kid does not get a goal. Or a starting position. Or a particularly important position. Or to play in more than half of the game. And then I would have asked him if he thought we should change rec soccer so that every kid had these opportunities.

But since I'm not usually confrontational in public (except for that one time when that one mom tried to sneak into the fall play for free, but that's another post) I just glowered at him, silently hoping his kid(s) are well-behaved and/or filled with enough stage presence to get special parts at the spring concert so I don't have to listen to him again.

I actually have no idea how kids get their little moments at the concerts, though I know that auditioning is required for some of them.

I'm not sure whether this dude thinks singing and performing aren't skills like soccer footwork and speed, or thinks that the music teacher is ignoring his children's talents. From other comments, I suspect the former.

Which is why I'll never be friends with this guy. My kids are not gifted athletes. Two of them don't even qualify as athletic and the other threw off that mantle after a particularly rough season of travel basketball. But those trophies they got from rec soccer and swimming? They were really proud of them - they felt like they were being recognized for always showing up and trying their best. The trophy may have been the only reason Hugmonkey kept playing soccer after having a very hard time in pre-k. And while I know we're all about kids specializing at a very young age (despite how wrong it is) , I feel like 5 is too young to have to choose a sport.

Or to decide that you're not sporty.

Just like I would say 5 or 8 or 10 is too young to say that you're not musical or able to perform onstage. That's why I support every kid going to music class and performing at least through elementary school.

But fuck you if you think musicality or stage presence or the ability to memorize are not skills just as valuable as those you think are possessed by kids who "deserve" the soccer trophies.

Seriously. Fuck you.

Also, fuck you if you think young children shouldn't be rewarded or praised for showing up and trying their best.

And a special fuck you to anyone who thinks the average first grader doesn't know who's great at soccer, reading or singing. Kids know. But we don't tell them to quit reading just because they aren't reading the hardest books. We encourage them to keep reading, we point out that kids learn to read well at different rates, etc.

We need to do that with sports and music and art and social skills too.

And we definitely need to remember the six little words, no matter what our kids are doing.