The Procrastinator's Guide to Life

Lessons from a last minute girl.
(My imaginary self-help book, condensed into one free blog post)

  1. Most deadlines are really more like coma-lines; things may be dire but there's still a chance for an extension.
  2. Rushing helps you focus.
  3. Some things do go away if you ignore them a lot. Like your car if you don't keep up with the payments. 
  4. Waiting until the last minute is a great way to rebel against authority without actually risking real trouble. 
  5. If you clean days before the guests arrive, the place will just get messy again. Then you're cleaning TWICE, which actually wastes time. 
  6. You can accomplish a lot of  tedious tasks while avoiding the one thing you REALLY don't want to do. 
  7. Being organized is the secret to being a procrastinator who doesn't have her electricity turned off for non-payment, even though she had enough money to pay the bill. 
  8. If you're going to be consumed by guilt when putting something off, just get it over with. Procrastination should be enjoyed like a fine wine. . . .or a Real Housewives marathon. 
  9. Do not procrastinate on the highway. Especially when they're closing your lane or when you're close to your exit. 
  10. Sometimes your desire to procrastinate is actually a window into your sub-conscious. If you put off kissing every guy you date until he eventually gives up, maybe you'd rather be dating girls. 
  11. Never look immaculately groomed. Not only does it intimidate people, it makes it harder for them to believe that your report is late because you've been taking care of sick toddlers. 
  12. After high school no one is going to praise you for "managing your time wisely", only for getting shit done. 

No comments: