I Am That Idiot

alternative title: My Ass Is Damp

A few weeks ago, Hot Guy put air in my tires (not a euphemism). He also left my car window open. Naturally it poured that night. Towels soaked up the surface puddle, but they did jack for the deep wet that rooted itself in the upholstery.

My ass was damp for three days. Hopefully you have no idea how uncomfortable that is.

This is what my ass looks like. In my head. Or 1996. Whatever. 

When I mentioned it to Hot Guy, he claimed that he did it to himself all the time. He seemed confused by how bothered I was. Of course, he was probably hoping that I'd just shut up about it. But all I could think was:

"My ass is damp, motherfucker!"

Also: "What kind of idiot does this more than once?"

You know where this is going.

Yesterday at the Y, I left my car window open. And it rained like hell while we were inside. Since I spent all of my time in the basement and in the pool area, I had no clue. Until we got back to the car, anyway.

My ass was damp.

Again.

And this time I didn't even get my tires inflated. (This all sounds kind of dirty, doesn't it?)

BAM!

I swear to God this blog is going to get more cheerful soon.

But probably not today.

Yesterday, I was driving Ironflower and Lovebug to my parents' house to spend the night so that I could go see Hot Guy in a play reading. I was all set to drop them off and then drive to the train station so I could go into the city - where I haven't been for ages - when BAM.

And then there was another BAM.

I was rear-ended. It felt like she had her foot on the gas pedal, she hit us so hard. Twice. (though she claims her brakes went out).

Anyway, the kids began crying. I began hyperventilating while telling them that everything was okay. My head hurt. The kids said their heads hurt. I called my mom to meet us while the other driver called the police (at my insistence).

The cop called the ambulance.

By the time the EMTs were checking the kids out, they were fine. Enjoying the attention, even. I was a wreck.

My mom took the kids with her and I went to the ER to have the baby checked out. I called Hubby from the ambulance and convinced him that he couldn't leave the play (which has no understudies) when everything was probably fine.

I was in the hallway of the ER for three and a half hours. Meanwhile my neck began to hurt. A lot. I was also shaking. A nice woman - wife and of the guy parked behind me in the hallway - got me a blanket and talked me through my first crying spell. Her name was Sylvia. i wish I could send her flowers.

Finally they put me in a "minor treatment" room. They sent me to the ultrasound suite eventually. The tech - who had been called in - was SO nice. Baby was fine. But she seemed worried about me and got me some juice and warm blankets. I guess not eating or drinking for ten hours had gotten to me.

Hubby came soon after I got back to "my" room. That's when I really cried.

My neck was x-rayed, but apparently it's just a strain. Which hurts. We left the hospital around 11:30pm, with instructions that I am on bedrest until I see my OB.

See you all in a few days.