Wandering Wednesday: Amsterdam

I've been to Amsterdam twice, but the first time doesn't really count because:

1. I was with my ex,
2. It was only for two days,
3. The locals wouldn't talk to us,
4. I got high - which had never happened with any American pot I had tried - and proceeded to remain high the entire time we were there. From one joint. So the main thing I learned on that trip is to not smoke pot on my next visit, if I wanted to remember it at all.

But this (introductory) post of the Wandering Wednesday series will focus on my second trip to Amsterdam. . .

I went with my friend from high school, M., and some of her friends. We went for New Year's, which is excellent if you're not afraid of firecrackers. They just kind of throw them around the streets at midnight and it's up to you to get the hell out of the way. Anyway, winter is the time to go because there aren't any tourists, so the Dutch people are all nice and friendly and charming and nothing is crowded.

I used to scrapbook. I wasn't very good at it.

We stayed at an affordable, nondescript American-style hotel a tram ride away from the center of the city. I really only remember being there to sleep, which we mostly did in the day time. M. and I got there a few nights before everyone else, so we set about find a cool bar. Which we did. It was so cool that we stayed there until 3 am, which would have been fine if the tram hadn't already stopped running. And if the taxis hadn't stopped working.

There was a freezing rain coming down as we started walking back to the hotel. The hotel that was miles away. After we'd been walking for twenty minutes or so, a gentleman pulled over and asked us if we wanted a ride. He had a ginormous dog in the back seat. He explained that he was going to work and could easily drop us off at our hotel.

We never would have gotten in that car when we were teenagers, or if we'd been in the states, or if we hadn't been pretty drunk. Our plan was to (casually) imply that we were FBI agents, familiar with and loaded down by weaponry.

Seriously. I also want to point out  that we were about 27 when the story took place.

So, the perfectly innocent man tried to start a conversation about which museums we were going to visit. . . .and we started talking about Glocks. To this day I have no idea whether he was laughing at us or terrified for his life, but he certainly hurried to drop us off near our hotel.

A few nights later, joined by M.'s friend F., we ventured to one of the city's infamous live sex shows. It was a lot more performance art-ish, than porn-ish. There was just a rotating series of erotic scenes, with penetration but no ejaculation. We were (I think) the only group of women at the show, but no one was rude or made us uncomfortable.

Before cell phone cameras, I used to buy a lot of post cards. And yes, I really did

save my ticket from the live sex show. Who wouldn't? 

Well, not until we saw F.'s boss there. F. worked for a large international corporation that my dad's company also worked with, so I had a momentary fear that someone I might know through my dad was there as well. It passed quickly, but from then on we were also trying to look for a way out that would not take us right past F.'s boss. I don't know why M. and I just didn't walk nonchalantly out of the theater, it's not like the boss knew us. . .but instead we followed F., crawling down the row and up the aisle. Which probably made us more conspicuous, but F.'s boss never said anything to her. Of course, why would he? Then he'd have to admit that he'd been there too. . .

My favorite place in all of Amsterdam, despite my utter fascination with the red light district, is the Van Gogh Museum. If you ever get to go to Amsterdam, that's the museum to visit.

There's also the cool bar, where we also went for New Year's Eve 1999, but I can't remember the name of it and I have no idea if it's still there. It was on a small square between Dam Square and the red light district. It was one of those places where everyone who visited wrote on the walls, with excellent beer and the hottest bartender. I think we forced him to kiss us at midnight, which he handled very gallantly. We also met a bunch of locals, who kept making fun of us for only being able to speak one language. But they bought us shots too, so we got over it.

Wordless Wednesday: Yes, There Are More

What? You've already seen enough pictures of our vacation? Sorry. I haven't taken any really good pictures since. Anyway, these are all of Jekyll Island, Georgia. It's a lovely island, though it's a bit more lovely if you play golf. 

The beach is so rugged.

We loved the Sea Turtle Rescue Center. I forget the turtle's name, but the poor guy has ulcerative colitis. 

A pier by the fancy hotel. 

The beach on the southern tip of the island. 

What I Learned On My Winter Vacation

One of the things I love about traveling is that you can learn so many things. I mean, sure I loved being in a warmer part of the country (have I mentioned that it actually got down to freezing while we were there? It did.) and having my parents to share so many child-rearing duties, but the best part was going somewhere new. Okay, all the alone time Hot Guy and I got was pretty cool too, but still, I loved exploring. Seeing new things and new for the kids things was fabulous too. But nothing beats the learning.

I learned things about my family:

Hot Guy has an odd affinity for Kool and the Gang.

Feeding Ironflower donut holes and lemonade is a very BAD idea, especially when she's going to be riding in a car that day.

Lovebug has traindar - he can find a train no matter where he is and no matter what he is doing.

ChunkyMonkey must go to sleep at 9pm if he is to sleep through the night - any other time and he wakes up.

My Dad has amazing putting baby to sleep powers.

My mom has mastered her iPhone but is freaked out by the ATM.

I learned things about life south of the Mason-Dixon line and east of Alabama:

Apparently no one there has ever seen a triple stroller. Seriously, people stared at us wherever we went - I now have so much sympathy for those families that are "different" for some reason.

Everyone seems to have missed the highway driving section on the driving test. Also lacking: the parking skills section.

Warm Saturdays are not the day to try to park anywhere near any Smithsonian museums.

All the straight men sound like Larry the Cable Guy.

No one in Florida got the memo about tanning being bad for you.

You can find good NPR and decent country music everywhere except the New York area.

ALL senior citizens want to know "What aisle did you find that baby in?" whenever and wherever you take your infant shopping.

I learned even more about traveling with small children:

Never try it without at least one electronic entertainment device.

Museums are fine, but beaches and playgrounds are better.

And nothing beats having a TV in your vacation bedroom.

Nothing can drown out the sound of a four year old girl's voice or a two year old boy's tantrum, no matter how big the minivan or how loud the radio.

Construction vehicles stop being exciting after ten minutes of construction zone traffic.

Parents should have access to alcohol and/or chocolate at all times.

On The Road, part 2

South Carolina is pretty boring on I-95 I can't wait until we get to Savannah I love Savannah. Garmin Girl is telling us to go a different way than the hotel website said but of course we have to listen to her though it is a relief to get off of 95 wow there's no traffic here.

Oh my look at that bridge I'm going to have to admit that Garmin Girl sent us a good way this view is AWESOME now we are going to find the hotel wow this neighborhood looks dodgy are those project houses? They totally are but this can't be right because the website said we'd be in the historic district and I'm pretty sure they don't put section 8 houses in historic districts oh my that's the hotel well at least the lobby's nice and we're blocks from the historic district

GOOD LORD the historic district seems far poor Hot Guy pushing this behemoth triple stroller oh my Goddess I am hungry at least these projects don't seem as bad as the ones I used to teach by we are never going to make it down to River Street with this stroller where are the ramps? Maybe we can find a place up here on Bay Street oh look a pub. I want a beer.

Hmmmm . . .this is good and they have kids' food and what the hell are those girls wearing? They look like sorority and fraternity kids but those dresses look like hooker dresses from the '80's and the shoes are trampy too oh please god don't tell me all those nice looking young frat guys brought hookers to a formal I am NOT staring, Hot Guy, and anyway they wouldn't notice if I was, I'm old. I like this mixed aged happy hour crowd but I don't like dragging Ironflower through it on the way to the bathroom oh the bathroom lady moved here from NJ and loves it I want to move to Savannah too

This walk back sucks and I don't like the way that homeless guy is looking at us and I don't care if that makes me prejudiced against the homeless or the mentally ill or whatever God I am SWEATING. . . .I love it here.

I can't believe ChunkyMonkey is sleeping through the night but Lovebug is waking me up. . Uggghhhhhh. ..need sleep. ..so tired. ... .

We are finally going to get to the Gulf Coast of Florida today but wow, northern Florida is kinda ugly. I was thinking that I would enjoy driving on this smaller road connecting 95 to 75 but I was so wrong I feel like I'm in Deliverance country and the traffic is so SLOW and we're never going to get there. . .

Gainesville is the ugliest college town I have ever seen.

How come no one in Florida understands the basic traffic laws? I can't believe all these crazy people passing on the right at 100 mph and the people on the left chugging along at 60 this is nuts and totally freaking me out God bless Hot Guy for driving oh please stop crying and whining Lovebug I want out of the car too JUST SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

Oh my poor baby Chunky has been such a trouper he's finally done too bad the drive isn't I hope he stops crying soon he's full and and his diaper is new he's just sick of the seat poor baby STOP CRYING, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

I wonder if pulling my hair out of my head would make me feel better we have been on the road for over 20 hours all together and I just want to get there and THESE OLD PEOPLE ARE FUCKING INSANE DRIVERS it would be so tragic if we died now and my last thoughts were about how sick I am of I Spy and why didn't I spend money on DVD players? Why?

I May Be Doing Something Right

This morning, after telling the kids that we would be leaving for Florida tomorrow, I overheard this conversation.

Lovebug: I want to see the pyramids. I want to see them in Florida.

Ironflower: Lovebug, the pyramids are in Egypt. You can't see them in Florida. We'll see them when we go to Egypt.

Lovebug: I want to go to the beach in Florida!

Let's hope they can maintain their positive attitudes and intellect while we drive down there. We weren't going to go, but my parents have rented a rather large condo and well, we feel that we all deserve a vacation after this fall and winter.

Of course, my parents are flying down.

We'll be driving the minivan with three kids and eighteen bottles of wine. The wine is supposed to be for after we get there.

I'm not entirely sure about that.

My Children Are Underprivileged

My Dad keeps sending me articles from the Wall Street Journal about modern parenting. Apparently, my toddlers should be in language classes, music classes and Little Gym. They should have a $1200 swing set and a climbing wall in the basement. And we should be saving up to take them on safari.

Look, I wish we had the swing set and I'm looking into music classes (though I'm really not going to worry much about extra-curricular activities until they are actually following a curriculum). But we're not going a safari. Even if I win the Lottery.

The Wall Street Journal interviewed parents who took their elementary school-aged kids on African safaris, vacations to Hong Kong and Panama and camping in the Brazilian rainforest. It even listed resources for "Adventure Travel with Kids" - and medical warnings.

Helloooooooooooo? These are the same parents who make their kids where helmets, who make sure playground floors are comfortable enough to sleep on, who complain if a teacher marks their child's paper in red (yes, this is true, most school districts do not allow teachers to correct in red anymore), who spend their lives making sure their children suffer no consequences or disappointments. . .but they're willing to shell out thousands of dollars to take their children places that lack safe drinking water and medical facilities?

I believe in travel. I think children should experience the world around them - and not just the sanitized Disney version (though I can't wait until my kids are old enough to appreciate Disney World). We even travelled to Alaska last summer - with a 19 month old and a 4 month old. But I believe that one of the best things about having kids is encouraging their sense of wonder - at even the simplest things. For most kids, a (reasonable) ride in an airplane is almost as good as the destination. What are 7 year olds who have seen tigers up close going to wonder about anymore? What's going to be exciting and wonder-ful to ten year olds who have canoed down the Amazon?

But setting aside safety and spoiling concerns, I still have a problem. One of the parents in the article suggested that, "You can't save the world unless you know what's in it." I agree with that, theoretically. But shouldn't we start with our own country anyway? Have the kids whose parents are showing off ever more fantastical vacations ever been to a farm? Have these kids been to New York City and compared it to Kansas City? Have these kids walked on a glacier in Alaska? Have they been to the Grand Canyon? To Gettysburg? To Washington D.C.? To Mount Rushmore? To a working cider mill? To a rocky beach in Oregon? To a smooth beach in Florida? To New Orleans? To the Freedom Trail? To Las Vegas? To Santa Fe? To Iowa City (I'm not kidding, it's a wonderful town)?

Before we can ask our children to save our world, we need them to save our country. And if we raise them to think that there's not much in our country worth seeing, what are we teaching them? They're not going to save something they don't respect.

Sorry kids, you're going to have to go on Safari on your own time. This summer we're hitting the Jersey shore, Ohio, Illinois and Kansas.