I Should Totally Be a Travel Writer, Right?

Ironflower is currently doing a week's worth of school work. We only managed to get one week's worth done while we were gone. This is SO not the kind of parent I'd thought I'd be back when I was teaching. And I hardly forced Lovebug to do anything at all, especially since his teacher didn't manage to give us any work at all (thanks, snowstorm!). I guess I thought they deserved a vacation.

Or that I really did, as much as possible when you're a parent.

Though my mom did a lot of my normal duties, like dishes and laundry, so that I did really have a vacation. Thank you, mom. I can't tell you how much I appreciated that. It has not resulted in a renewed fervor to keep my own house clean, though. Sorry.

Anyway, since I don't really want to be home, I thought I would stay in vacation mode by giving some Disney travel advice.

TripleZmom's Snarky Travel Advice (That I Couldn't Put in My Kissimmee Posts):

1. It takes like an hour to get from the parking lot to the Magic Kingdom. I didn't read this anywhere, but it's true. Be prepared for a ride on a tram to a long line for a ferry or a monorail to a massive line to get into the park. This is one of the perks of going to Epcot or Animal Kingdom - it's much easier to actually get there.

2. Apparently in Europe it's okay to stop in the MIDDLE of a walk way and consult with your family members. Or just stand there. So look out for Europeans. They will not keep walking, nor will they step out of the way.

3. But you also need to look out for the Americans, who will push you out of the way. Or at least try to slide in front of you and then invite their 8 family members to join them.

4. Wednesday is the best day to go to any of the parks, I don't care what the other websites say.

5. Find the lone adult wondering around Disney with an autograph book. She may be weird, but her obsession with all things Disney and with getting character autographs is a wealth of information that she will be more than happy to share with you. I guarantee she knows more than any travel website. Just don't tell her your daughter skipped meeting Ariel in favor of a ride.

6. Do not buy your children toys at the first gift shop they see (and they will see them. Some rides exit into them.) Use the shops like a bribe to get them to behave all during the trip, then buy them a gift as a reward. Or win the lottery before your trip, whatever.

7. That thing about making reservations for meals? They're not kidding. Or eat a late morning snack and have lunch around 2pm.

8. Just because someone works there, or visits a lot, does not mean they won't elbow in front of you to get a better view of the parade. But they will be very nice about it.

9. One ride on "It's a Small World" should be sufficient for everybody. Seriously.

10. Your baby does not care about meeting Cinderella. Nor about dressing up like her. Save this kind of crap for when your child can actually ask.

11. Don't make your pregnant wife go to Disney. She can't go on most rides and the ice cream isn't THAT good.

12. Go to Epcot first. Your kids won't think it's boring if they don't know about the Magic Kingdom.

13. Ironflower did not even scream on Expedition Everest. She's 6 and I'm pretty sure she's way tougher than I am. I practically cried on Space Mountain. This could be a good opportunity to test your kids' mettle. Or fear it.

14. Buy your Disney wear at the Wal-Mart in Kissimmee.

I'm Baaa-aaack!

So yeah.

I'm sorry I abandoned you, internet.

My phone died as we prepared to leave on a 2 week long trip. We drove to Kissimmee, Florida.  We stopped in Savannah. We went to Disney. And everyone but my mother and I got sick. Really, really sick.

It started with Hugmonkey on the way down. Our entire first week of vacation was spent with everyone on painkillers and water. Full recovery didn't happen until 3 days before we were supposed to leave. It made writing for I See Kissimmee a much bigger strain than I'd expected. I mean, travel articles aren't usually about trips to the local Wal-Mart to buy ibuprofen. Though if you'd like to know which Wal-Mart is the best in the Kissimmee area, I can give you recommendations.

We spent 5 days at the parks, with my parents graciously watching Hugmonkey for 4 of them. Because I don't think theme parks are the best place for toddlers. There, I said it.

I will say that Disney is definitely the best park for toddlers. But toddlers do not care about characters, even if their parents think they do. And Hugmonkey had several meltdowns when he was too little to go on certain rides. Plus, if you only have limited time - and are unsure when/if you're going back and are not actually staying on the property - days at the Parks can be LOOOONNGGG. Even after they were healthy, Ironflower and Lovebug fell asleep in the car almost every night as we drove the 10 minutes back to our vacation house. Hugmonkey had one amazing day (except for the ride meltdowns, which were totally understandable) there and I think that was best. Especially for the rest of us.

I felt guilty when I thought it might be our one and only trip to Disney World.

But it won't be. Hot Guy - my anti-advertising, metal loving husband - fell in love with the whole Disney vacation experience. As did I. Though I don't know if I'll be able to get him to go on "It's A Small World" again. I don't know whether it was the attractiveness, the cleanliness, the friendliness of every single person who works there or the multitude of fun experiences, but it's definitely become our new happy place. Although you will never catch me there when it's crowded. Because I totally thought it was crowded, even though this was value season and everyone kept telling me it wasn't. Also? All those websites that tell you which days to go to which parks to avoid crowds are bullshit. Weekends at all the parks suck, Wednesdays are best everywhere. At least during value season.

Which I recommend, especially if you are cheap and hate people like I do.