Turning Forty-Two Tuesday: Holy Crap

Sometime in the next few days, it will be the twentieth anniversary of my graduation from college. Actually, it may have already happened. I know it was in May, 1993, though. Which, holy fucking crap, was twenty years ago.

I have been an (alleged) adult for TWENTY YEARS.

You'd think I would have gotten better at it by now.

To be fair, I am much less insane than I was twenty years ago. Also, less blond. And far less skinny. But in general, I prefer being 42 to being 22, unless I'm looking in a mirror.

A fancy dinner with Dad, Grandma and Mom

Yeah, I wore hiking boots and a flannel under my gown. It was 1993, okay? 

Notice how I have cunningly left my then fiancee, now ex-husband out of these photos? Fortunately my parents insisted on some pictures where he was not plastered to my side. Thank God. 

Which leads me to the advice section of this post. Take heed of my wisdom, new graduates and other youngish people. . .because I don't have a lot of it and what I do have is very precious to me.

1. When you are taking pictures at a life event, focus on taking pictures with your family - especially your grandparents. I do know some couples who have been (happily) together since college and even high school, but I know a lot more people who cringe when you bring up the "love" of their 22 year old selves. Play it safe. 

2. Hiking boots should only be worn when hiking and never as a fashion statement. 

3. Listen to music that actually makes you happy, not what is hipster and cool, unless you really like what is hipster and cool.

4. Tattoos are forever. Be sober for them. 

5. Piercing any part of the ear that is not the lobe never, ever heals. 

6. You've only a year or two left before sleeping on a futon becomes uncomfortable. Start saving for an actual bed now. And buy a good one. 

7. Contrary to (some) popular belief and any '80's movies you may have seen, you do not have to have your life figured out now. In fact, just when you think you do have it figured it out, something will change. You are never going to feel all grown up. But you will feel much more sure of yourself.

8. If you are too shy to buy condoms at your local drug store and to ask your doctor for  birth control, you are not ready to be having so much sex. 

9. Don't go to graduate school right away. You need to excel at graduate school and you'll be a lot more motivated if you've worked at a crappy job for a while. 

10. Travel. By yourself. I don't care if it's just a five hour road trip to visit your best friend from high school, just go. 

Take It Back Now, Y'All

In a (lame) attempt to broaden my children's musical horizons, we have been listening to the "Music Choice" channels provided by Cablevision. We've discovered that the whole family mellows out while listening to the swing channel and that Daddy can't stand disco. Hubby actually eschews all things bubblegum, so I made sure he wasn't home when we checked out the "For Kidz Only" music channel.

Apparently all kids are actually tweens, because every song sounded like (or actually was) Hannah Montana and High School Musical. Just as I was about to turn to the '80's channel (because my kids - thankfully - don't care about Hannah Montana yet), I heard something familiar. I had to double check and make sure that I hadn't already switched the channel. But no, those were the dulcet tones of the "Cha Cha Slide" on the kids' music channel.



I think the first time I heard the "Cha Cha Slide" was in a club over ten years ago. That's right, I said, "club". I also said, "ten years ago". What the hell is old club music doing on the kids' music channel? Is old club music being appropriated by the tweens? (which would not be half as cool as when my friends and I refused to listen to music made after 1980) Or is this like when I learned the Hustle in seventh grade gym and my teacher realized that she was old?