Better Than The Atticus Finch*, I Suppose

So recently I saw someone who called herself "The Willy Loman of Blogging". This was on a mostly anonymous forum that I visit when I'm not reading a good book, so I can't really give her (and I don't even know for sure that it was a her) proper credit, but I want to be clear that I did not think of it myself.

For which I am very, very sad.

My perception of Willy Loman - from a cursory experience in high school - was that he was a man out of his time, careerwise. And thus he felt like a failure. (The descriptions I just read on the interwebs are a little more nuanced and detailed, but I still stand behind my 16 year old interpretation.) 

I have felt like the Willy Loman of blogging for years now.

Back in the dark ages when I started blogging (also known as 2005), people blogged for many reasons, but none of them included making a full time income. I blogged, as did many of the people I read then, as writing practice.

When I started mommy blogging in 2007, perks existed, but it wasn't an industry. Having 2 kids in 15 months, quitting teaching and needing a way to write again, mommy blogging saved my life. All my friends were still working, the moms I met at the park seemed totally unfriendly (I have no idea if they were, I was so tired, frazzled and hormonal that I thought everyone seemed unfriendly). Back then, most people's blog posts were about embarrassing or triumphant moments of parenting, not the latest movie/gadget/toy/food/whatnot that the blogger was being asked to review positively.**

I tried to keep up. Sort of. But I didn't want a full time job and I was already cranking out crappy articles for extra cash. And, you know, there were 3 kids to raise.

When the kids got a little bigger, I tried to throw myself back into the changing landscape. It was not a good fit for me. Plus, I felt uncomfortable telling stories about my kids when they started being able to tell their own stories about themselves.

Blogging got even more uncomfortable after I realized many people I knew locally were reading. It's hard to write about a distressing/disturbing/odd/funny experience with another parent when everyone wants to know who that parent is.

(BTW, if you're reading this, it was never you. I promise.)

The truth is, though, is that I miss blogging terribly. I miss how free I felt in the olden days, snarking and whining and ranting in my own little corner of the internet. I miss the people I used to read and I miss the people who used to read here (although I think I'm still friends with most of them on Facebook). Like Willy Loman, I miss how things used to be.

Fortunately, my life isn't being written by Eugene O'Neill (or Harper Lee). I can accept that the blogging world has changed. I can accept that I can't change it back. I can accept that continuing to blog like it's 2007 means I'll be toiling in unpaid obscurity forever.***

Hell, I even have permission from my kids to write about their lives, as long as I don't use their actual names. I did point out that since I use my actual name it won't be hard for people to figure out who they are, but apparently our small town has already convinced them that everyone always knows their business anyway. They just don't want to be search-able by their future college friends and employers, it seems.

Anyway, this is my long-winded way of saying that I'm back. I'll be blogging like it's 2007, which means that:

• There will be swearing.
• There won't be very many pictures because I'm too lazy to watermark shit. ****
• It's not all going to be about parenting, as I've recently developed several new TV obsessions.
• There won't be any useful advice unless it's in the "What Not To Do" category. 
• I will keep using footnotes, because I love them. 
• I started tutoring part-time and I do a lot of volunteer crap at my kids' schools and I'm launching a real website at some point soon so I have no idea how often I'll be posting here. 

*Atticus seemed so cool until I read the reviews of Go Set A Watchmen. I won't even read the book, because as much as love Harper Lee, I don't want to think about my beloved Atticus being in the Klan. Nor do I want to create a Klan type outfit of old time mom bloggers to bring things back to the way things used to be in the blogging world. 

**Look, if companies wanted honest reviews, they'd pay a premium to all of those prolific Amazon reviewers and reuse their comments. They wouldn't need to pay bloggers and/or give them free stuff. I'm also not saying that any bloggers, including myself, try to trick readers when they post about the latest movie or product. But only mentioning the positive stuff is definitely an omission many of us make. As my mom always said, "Lying by omission is still lying." 

***As far as this blog goes, anyway. But most people don't actually make money from their hobbies, so I'm not going to feel bad about it anymore. 

****I warned you about the swearing. 

Totally Not A Guest Post

This COULD be a guest post from the guy who recently emailed me. He has started a new website with the terms "gay" and "dating" in its title. Now, we all know I have nothing against gay dating, gay marriage, gay adoption or anything prefaced with the term "gay". Except gay Republicans. But that's only because they so obviously hate themselves.

Anyway, I might have considered it if the guy hadn't made the fatal mistake.

In his email, he mentioned that I had "accepted guest posts on triplezmom.com in the past". I might have. In 2008. When this blog had a different name. But frankly, I haven't been that dedicated and organized in years. And I don't think this guy was dedicated enough to read the past four years of posts to find out for sure.

If he had been, he might have realized that despite this post, this blog is not a hotbed of gay dating issues. Or any kind of dating issues. The last time I went on a date, there was no Facebook. The last time I looked for dates online, there was Match.com and scary chat rooms. Remember chat rooms?

I mean, this guy's offer to write me a guest post was much better than the PR people who email me about their clients' products and ask me to share the info with my readers for absolutely nothing in return. Maybe that's helpful for review bloggers, but somehow I don't think my every other month reviews of products I've actually used puts me in that category. But if you read the subject line of my blog, or its description anywhere, you'll know I'm not a review blogger, nor do I write about gay dating.

When I was a teenager, I did some work at my parents' company. One of my jobs was researching companies and people so my Dad (the sales guy) could pitch to them in a relevant way. I did his homework for him, so to speak. So he wouldn't look or sound like an idiot. Ahem.

Obviously, my podunk blog is not on the same level as any company my Dad ever pitched.  But if I'm not worth researching for the 30 seconds it would take to scan my site, why the HELL are you pitching me in the first place?

It's not like I'm some famous blogger that will help you reach hundreds of  thousands of potential customers. It's not like I'm some semi-famous blogger that will help you reach tens of thousands of potential customers. It's not like I'm some whore blogger that will help you reach thousands of potential customers. It's not like I'm some sweet blogger that will help you out of the goodness of my heart.*

So go away. I'm not going to help you sell your product for free. Though you are welcome to buy an ad on the site.

*Though if I find these emails and clueless pitches annoying, I can't imagine what someone like The Bloggess goes through. It's comforting to know that I will never actually find out. 

Blogging Virtuously: A Personal Goal

In the last Jane Austen book I read (which may not have actually been written by Jane Austen but instead a mystery set among characters she created, but that's okay because I actually have read most of Jane Austen's works AND the mystery was set in the same era and quite historically accurate) a woman was described as being "of easy virtue". I believe the term today would be "slut".

I used to be a total blogging slut. When I discovered I could make (a little) money doing this thing that I loved? I jumped on it like "The Situation" on a drunk girl with big boobs. Pay Per Post, Smorty, countless others I've forgotten, I did them all. And quickly realized that even though I tried to make them relevant and funny, no one really wanted to read sponsored posts about things I had no business talking about, such as the time I tried to write about investment properties in Mauritania. Which I had to look up on a map. So I decided maybe sponsored posts weren't right for me, that maybe they made me feel dirty and a little stupid and a little unpopular with my readers.

I next embraced reviewing options. But after honestly reviewing one game that my kids hated, some very popular brand/blogger marketers weren't quite so interested in me. The reviewing definitely went better than sponsored posting, though, especially when I got to review things that I would have used/done anyway and that I really like. But of course, since I'm not a famous blogger (though you can totally like me on Babble's Top 50 Mom Bloggers that you've never heard of section) nor a talented reviewer (I am physically incapable of writing more than 200 words to critique anything, and those critiques will always include "awesome" or "sucked") it's not like the good brands were beating down my door.

After reading a disturbing book sent to me by a Christian publishing company (and how the hell I got on their list, we'll never know), I vowed to only post positive reviews. If I hated something, I wouldn't talk about it. Of course, silence never erases the fact that you kissed that one weird guy that time you were really drunk and then he kept calling you and your friends found out and laughed at you. Er, I mean that it doesn't erase the time spent reading the bad book or whatever.

And then I felt kind of like I was censoring myself, to only post positive reviews. And then I got distracted by other writing and kids and my dissatisfaction with the whole "Jerseygirl89" thing and I kind of forgot about it. I got so lazy about blogging that it's not like I was getting a lot of pitches or even offers from places like Mom Central. And most of the ones I was getting I was just deleting because in my short blogging time I wanted to write about what I wanted to write about, not shill for some company so I could get coupons or an Amazon gift certificate or less than I get for writing for that virtual sweatshop, Demand Studios. Though, just for the record, I do really like Amazon gift certificates.

Anyway, then I read this post and all of its links. And I realized that I'd been hooking up with someone I really, really didn't like. It occurred to me that I had been, in fact, sharing my blog-bed with virtual strangers on a regular basis and, as with any large group, some of those strangers had turned out to be douchebags. And my self-esteem is a little too intact for me to keep sleeping with douchebags.

So things are going to change around here. Not only am I going to Blog with Integrity , I'm going to blog with virtue. No more strangers, no more pitches from products or books I've never heard of and wouldn't buy any way. I want to look at reviews like my blog roll. You can't buy your way onto my blog roll, nor can you email me and tell me how great your blog is and expect me to add you, nor can you assume that if I'm on your blog roll that you'll be on mine. The blogs on my blog roll are those that I like. So, from now on, the (few) reviews you see on here will be for products/services/places that I already love.

How do you handle reviews on your blog?