Trying To Make Patience One of My Virtues

I never would have described myself as conventional until I had kids. Open-minded. Tolerant. Unwilling to judge based on looks. That's how I would have described myself before I had children. I didn't judge based on what people were wearing or how their hair looked (unless I already disliked them for other reasons). I assumed kids would have stains on their clothes and messy hair.

And then this one mom, who was probably having her own bad day, said something about Ironflower's stained shirt and Lovebug's messy hair and I haven't been right since. Suddenly I heard judgments everywhere.  Hot Guy has already had to say things to the children like, "Just wear what your mother wants. It'll be easier," and "Just make your mother happy and let her fix your hair."

I have been trying to combat this, mostly because I don't want my kids' judging other people for how they look. Also, I should probably save up this energy for the battles that will be coming in the future; shorts and Uggs, shorts in the middle of blizzards, shower shoes as daily footwear, etc. So when Lovebug wanted to have longer hair, I let him.

Grudgingly.

And because we can't get the weekly trims it would take to maintain his hair at this length (seriously, the kid has the thickest hair EVER), this is what happened. I would try to control it for certain occasions, but if there was any wind/sweat/sleep whatsoever, we were doomed. Well, I was. Lovebug didn't seem to care at all.

And I tried. I tried to let him make his own decision, when I wasn't nagging him to use conditioner and product. I felt like forcing the kind of haircut I wanted would undermine all those times I told him he was a smart kid who made good decisions (Lovebug can be really, really, really hard on himself). So I had to wait.

Patience has never been one of my virtues.

It's a Jersey thing. I think.

In the meantime, as Hugmonkey's hair also grew way too long for my preference, I had to let go of some of my conventional standards. Which has been freeing. Or so I tell myself.

And then, Lovebug asked for a haircut. A short haircut.

He loves it. He's proud of himself for choosing it. I didn't have to force him to do anything. Everyone is happy.

My conventional side most of all.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to let go of that side, which really comes from not wanting people to judge my kids harshly or have an extra reason to pick on them.

But I have learned that I can be more patient. And that it's worth it.

Friday I'm In Love: Haircuts

Ever since the kids were small, they've gotten haircuts at the local cheapo hair chain - with occasional (abysmal) trims by me. But the truth is, Lovebug has thick, wiry hair that requires actual skill to cut. Especially now that he no longer wants it buzzed supershort. Ironflower's hair is challenging, thanks to the wave and the length. And Hot Guy needed a good haircut for some stuff he's got going on in the next few weeks. So Hot Guy took the kids to an actual hair salon. It was slightly less than double the price of el cheapo, but. . .

They even straightened her hair for her. She'll probably be stealing my hair dryer before I know it. 

I finally got Lovebug to look at the camera! I really don't care that we were in the middle of Gamestop when it happened. 

You can't even really see Hugmonkey's haircut in this picture, but this is his go-to pose now. I couldn't convince him to change it. 

Ironflower modeling her dance company warm-up jacket. There are enough crystals on the back to please a Las Vegas showgirl. She loves it.

We're going to have to keep going to the nice hair salon, aren't we? My kids haven't had such neat hair in years. 

Can You Force A Child To Become a Cross Dresser?

Dear Christopher's Mother,

Today we met your son and your mother-in-law at an indoor play area. Your son seems like a nice little boy and I know my kids enjoyed playing with him. I just feel that I have to apologize for calling him a little girl. And for the fact that my daughter referred to him as "she" the entire time, even after I told her that Christopher is a boy's name.

Your son didn't seem to mind like most three year old boys would. He barely seemed to notice . . . according to your mother-in-law, he's quite used to it.

I'm not one of those judgmental parents. Unless your kid is mean and you don't care, I will not judge you. Or if your preschooler's favorite movie is Bride of Chucky. Or if you put Pepsi in your toddler's bottle. Or. . .well, you know what I mean. I don't judge parents who are within the realm of normal.

But I think your son's hair has gone beyond the realm of normal. The long, golden waves are quite lovely and the bobby pins do seem to hold it out of his eyes, but doesn't it bother you that everyone assumes he's a girl?

I support the rights of the transgendered. I love cross-dressers and drag queens. But your mother-in-law says you're the one who won't cut it, not Christopher. Which indicates to me that you are not supporting Christopher's natural urges but instead trying to feminize him for perverse reasons of your own.

What the fuck is your problem?

Sincerely,

Jerseygirl89

PS Would you be interested in a playdate at the new Cuts for Kids place?