Regular readers of this blog (aka people who know me in real life) will be wondering why I have a subscription to the magazine in the first place. I mean, I can't cook. I think craft time means letting my kids have the glue, markers and scrap paper and very little commentary from me. I don't really enjoy games.
I'm pretty sure that my parenting philosophy, "Lazy parents make problem solving, self-entertaining kids"* is the antithesis of the Family Fun philosophy. I'm reasonably sure that most of the other subscribers became stay-at-home parents out of a lifelong desire, not because they desperately missed their kids and were sick of teaching in the 'hood.** So they do complicated crafts that involve them spending hours cutting out thousands of little hearts and I do crafts that involve me praising my kids' creativity while I blog. They follow recipes for kid-friendly casseroles and design innovative cupcakes, I feel good when I remember to cut up Hugmonkey's hot dog. They enthusiastically play the games as a family and I see how quickly I can teach my kids to play them independently.
When I first started reading the magazine, it reminded me of the kind of parent I thought I would be. The kind of parent I thought I should be. The kind of parent I was trying to be. That perfect kind of parent. The one who thinks it's fun to spend 4 hours playing CandyLand. The one who sits up at night, cutting out construction paper flowers so her kids can glue them on a flower pot the next day. I thought it would inspire me.
Instead the issues just started filling me with guilt. Because I'm not all crafty or able to cook or gung ho about playing with my kids. I'm far from perfect. Sometimes I just want to be left alone. Sometimes my kids seriously get on my nerves. Sometimes it's easier to bribe them with a trip to Wendy's. Sometimes I look through Family Fun and modify every activity so that my kids can do them independently and I can oversee while I blog or whatever. It doesn't take an early childhood education degree to know this stuff. Every time I saw the magazine in the mailbox, I would have this stab of guilt and self-doubt. The stab went from the steak knife kind to the dagger kind and was quickly heading for Valyrian steel sword
territory.But I'm 40 now. It's a little late to be whining about who I'm "supposed" to be. My kids are happy and really good at entertaining themselves, so what exactly do I have to feel guilty about? I'm pretty sure my failure to be a Family Fun kind of mom is not going to be what drives them into therapy. In fact, I'm thinking of starting a new magazine. **** One for all the rest of us: Lazy Parents United. It would include articles on how to bribe your kids into picking up their toys, crafts that require no prep and little clean up, and other tricks for lazy parents.
Would you read it? Or are you a more Family Fun kind of parent?
*I'm totally trademarking that, by the way.
**I was bitten. And had a chair thrown at me. And had a parent stalk me.
***Although that time I donated that wrong bag of toys may be what drives them into an episode of Hoarders. Oops.
****Well, website. Because who would launch a paper magazine these days? Besides, I actually know how to start a website. Pretty sure I could have a future with web design careers!