Whoops, You Fell Down the Idiot Hole*

You may not remember, but a couple of years ago a mom made the news because all 7 of her kids got whooping cough. She, of course, was against vaccines. Her children infected her baby niece, who wasn't yet fully vaccinated. It was terrible for all of them, and now this mom is pro-vaccine.

I hate this whole story.

Really.

Even the part where she learns a valuable lesson and evolves on the issue.

I know I'm supposed to applaud her evolution, which she blogged about extensively.

But I'd rather use my hands to slap her.

Imagine, instead, if this woman refused to use car seats because she grew up just fine without them. And then, she got rear-ended in traffic and all of her children were injured because they weren't in car seats. And then she ran around promoting car seats. Still impressed?

How about if she let her kids smoke because she had a grandma who smoked like a chimney and lived to be 90?

How about if she claimed that racism didn't exist because no one in her (white) family had experienced it or perpetuated it?

Ok, I'm exaggerating. About this particular woman, anyway. Although I always wonder about the anti-vaccination parents who use car seats. Why do they believe the car seat studies and not the vaccination studies? Car seat companies operate for profit, just like pharmaceutical companies, after all. And I'm probably jinxing myself here, but we've gotten sick way more often than we've gotten in car accidents. And the fight to buckle Hugmonkey into his car seat back in the day was a daily thing, unlike getting vaccinations or even getting sick. How odd then that there's no anti-car seat movement. (At least, not one I can find with a quick Google search)

But this is not meant to be a post about vaccines**, exactly. It's meant to be about people who cannot properly evaluate information unless it happens to them. The whooping cough mom admits to dismissing peer reviewed scientific studies in favor of "natural" mom blogs to justify her anti-vax stance. But then those evil medical experts saved her children's lives so now she believes what they've been saying to her for years. Seriously?

That's like taking my advice on time management  over some expert's, then being saved from financial ruin by the expert hiring you. But you never would have teetered near financial ruin if you had just listened to the expert in the first place.

In other words, random people on the internet do not know more than the CDC, or the Mayo Clinic, or even public health reporters at the Boston Globe. Believing the people on your favorite forum over experts at the American Academy of Pediatrics puts you in the same idiot hole as people who believe The National Enquirer over the The Philadelphia Inquirer.

*Yes, this post could have been titled, "Fuck You, Whooping Cough Mom". I predict that most of my posts in the near(ish) future could be titled, "Fuck You, so and so" and be perfectly apt. But finding creative ways to say "fuck you" is going to become my new favorite hobby.

**If you want to argue with me about vaccines, read this first. And then just don't. I'm not going to change my mind.

Hey Neighbors, Are You the Jackholes, the Idiots or the Grossly Overprotective?*

Today's missive from the new Superintendent of Schools made me realize that it may be time for me to move the kids to a yurt in Mongolia.

We had a half day today because of the heat. It's 100 degrees, and most schools around here only air condition their offices (and doesn't that just say a lot about educational priorities?). So, you know, it's damned hot with 25 bodies per unair-conditioned room. The superintendent had to reassure the parents that they did not make this decision lightly. I suppose that was to appease all the jackholes bitching about how they went to school all day when it was a billion degrees, yadda, yadda. We also thought seat belts were  for flinging our action figures and that only Evel Knievel needed a helmet.

Then the superintendent had to promise us that our children would be allowed plenty of water breaks and would not do any strenuous physical activities. I guess that was to reassure the parents who believe that all teachers are dumbasses who would stage a dodgeball tournament on the hottest day of the year or something. Or maybe it was for the parents who never allow their children to experience any kind of discomfort or unhappiness.

Whichever the case, I really don't want my kids to mix with kids whose parents are jackholes, idiots or grossly overprotective. Those overprotective parents produce some mean-ass kids, let me tell you.

The superintendent didn't touch on the other issues I have with parenting in suburbia, but I'm sure he would have, if not for all the parents listed above. For example, he might have mentioned that even if you spent your last pay check buying your daughter 10 pairs of Ugg boots, you still shouldn't let her wear them to middle school on the hottest day of the year. Or he could have let them know that it's not cute when your 5 year old shakes his glass at the restaurant server instead of asking for a refill. Possibly he could just say, "Not all of your children are gifted. Or future professional athletes. Deal with it."

As much fun as it will be trying to figure out which parents the superintendent is trying to placate with each new letter, I'm thinking the yurt might be better for my children's future mental health. Herding the sheep (or is it goats? I confess my knowledge of Mongolia comes from a few reads through a children's atlas and one episode of House Hunters International) will teach them the value of hard work, being constantly at a linguistic disadvantage will make sure that they never become arrogant and if Ironflower wants to wear Ugg boots all the time, it will actually make sense.

*Do you think people would be offended if I asked them this at the next PTA meeting?