If you know me IRL and are the sensitive type, you might want to skip this post.
This morning while Ironflower was at camp, I took Lovebug to a park. I drove a few towns over to hit one of the few shady playgrounds I know, but Lovebug still got quite worn out. And I had to pee. I decided to hit the Walgreen's near Ironflower's school, as we still had at least forty-five minutes before pick-up. But naturally Lovebug fell asleep. I didn't want to wake him up because I knew he was exhausted and an exhausted Lovebug would make pick-up a pain in the ass.
I drove slowly closer to Ironflower's school, trying to think of a safe way to allow Lovebug to sleep and me to pee. My bladder seemed to grow exponentially, the way it does when you're pregnant ( I realize I'm only five months, but my body seems to think I'm seven months - in size and bladder issues, anyway. Whoever said the third time's a charm was NOT talking about pregnancy.) Things were getting desperate.
Especially when I remembered that the Walgreen's doesn't have a public restroom. My other options were: McDonald's (where Lovebug would have a fit because we weren't staying), Starbuck's (where I would have to buy something I didn't want) or dragging Lovebug into Ironflower's school, peeing, and dragging him back out again (or hanging in the hallway for thirty minutes).
Then I remembered Ironflower's potty. It's her own personal porta-potty right in the back of the minivan. It was the perfect solution. I pulled down a quiet residential street. Reluctant to climb through the van, I climbed out and went around to the back. I climbed in and even managed to shut the door (those doors, BTW, are not designed to be closed from the inside). I glanced around. Seeing no one, I pulled down my pants and sat on the teeny, tiny potty (meanwhile, Lovebug slept on). I filled the damn thing, but nothing spilled. I used a baby wipe.
I stood up (as much as possible, anyway) and noticed a woman and her little girl walking straight at the minivan. I sat down (meanwhile, Lovebug slept on).
I stood up after they passed by, wanting nothing more in the world but to pull my pants up. I got them halfway up before seeing the woman with the dog. I knelt down and struggled to pull my pants the rest of the way up while hiding behind Lovebug's seat (meanwhile, Lovebug slept on). Then I climbed over the stroller and . . . .
realized that I couldn't get out the back door. So I squeezed through the middle seats (meanwhile, Lovebug slept on) and . . .
realized that I couldn't get out the side doors, either. I was going to have to climb to the front seat (meanwhile, Lovebug slept on).
I tried to close the little table that sits between the two front seats but it seemed stuck. All this had taken quite awhile, so I became concerned that we'd actually be late for pick-up. I didn't relish calling the school to tell them that I would be late because I was stuck in the back of my own minivan. So I started to climb.
It took about five minutes for me to cover the two feet (meanwhile, Lovebug slept on). But I did it.
Then I went out the front door, walked around to the back, tried to look innocent while yet another woman walked by, and removed the potty. I surreptitiously dumped it on a nearby lawn. (Because what if Ironflower wanted to use it after I picked her up? She couldn't have, it was TOTALLY full. I HAD to empty it.)
Then I slunk back into the car and we went to pick Ironflower up at school. Lovebug slept through the whole shebang.
