Update on Ironflower's School Attitude

So Ironflower is back to liking school. She is still bored academically, though she tells me that her teacher is going to start reading groups soon. Taking more than 7 weeks to start reading groups seems a little ridiculous to me, but I taught in a different kind of world.

Anyway, she says the bullying has stopped, so that's good news. I think that was the biggest problem, honestly. Hot Guy and I have always been really strict about not excluding people and being kind to them and Ironflower has taken it to heart. I am proud of this, of course, but it does make it difficult when Ironflower encounters kids whose parents encourage them to exclude others.

I have not talked to her teacher because I don't think it would help. She's already taken care of the bullying and I don't think it will help on the academics. It's not something that she wouldn't already be aware of, she grades all their papers. Differentiated instruction is just not a priority for her and my complaining about it isn't going to change her methodology. Plus, I don't want her to go from liking my kid to not liking my kid because of my complaints.

Yeah, that can happen.

We'll just have to do some more stuff at home. And cross our fingers that things keep getting better.

The Urge To Homeschool Strikes Again

Ironflower recently told me that she hates school.

Since Ironflower was the kid who cried when she had to leave preschool each day, this is not good. Not that it would be good anyway, of course, but in other kids it might make sense. Lovebug, for example, who is still struggling with the transition to the full day of first grade and who would rather be home playing with his Legos than just about anything, doesn't hate school.

When I went with her class to the Book Fair, I was uncomfortable. Her teacher had them pair up by asking each child to pick a partner, leaving the last two kids to pair up by default. They looked upset. No one seemed to care.  It killed me and it wasn't even my kid. When we walked to the fair, Ironflower held my hand the entire time. She did not do that in first grade or in kindergarten.

The class was the least cohesive class I've ever seen; pairs hardly communicated at all. When I went to the Fair with Lovebug's class, they all chattered with each other and Lovebug hung out with his buddies and his teacher didn't have them pick partners. Lovebug, my affectionate boy, hardly held my hand at all.

Since then, I've heard stories of bullying in Ironflower's class. I'm not surprised. The bullying upsets Ironflower even though it hasn't happened to her so far.

She picked out her outfit and hair accessory. 

And then there's the school work. It is piles of worksheets that cover the same topic. The same topic that Ironflower understood after the first work sheet. During independent reading time, Ironflower is not allowed to get more books. Some days she finishes two chapter books in the time allotted for reading, but she can't get more books. I don't quite understand. She seemed nervous when I suggested she bring a book from home to keep in her desk. 

Finally, there's the look on her face when I suggested that she ask her teacher something. She looked horrified. My friendly, assertive, roller coaster riding kid looked nervous. 

I never thought I would have trouble talking to my kids' teachers. But I have no idea what to say to this woman without being like, "Do you not know anything about children? Why are you giving them so many work sheets? Why do you want them to be bored? Do you not like the kids who are getting picked on? Can I just sit here and observe for a few days so that I can judge your professional competence?" 

I don't think those questions would be very effective. Any suggestions? 

Second Grade

Second grade was a bad year for me. My teacher was harsh so I panicked whenever she called on me. I didn't have any good friends in my class. I actually don't remember having any friends in that class at all, but I could be wrong. It was a long time ago.

I mostly remember two things about second grade; my crush on Jeffrey MacIntosh and my frenemy Kristen McCormick.

Where I went to second grade. The trees were still standing back then. 

Photo courtesy of Patch.com

Oh, and I loved the movie Grease.

Jeffrey was my first crush and I have no idea why I had a crush on him. It may have been his bright red hair. It may have been that he was only at my school for that one year. It may have been that I watched Grease too many times and decided I needed to have a crush on someone.

What I know, though, is that Kristen started buddying up to him after I admitted my crush. She told me all sorts of things about their "relationship", all of which I believed, none of which were probably true.

At seven, Kristen was already that kind of girl. In my memory. Which may be colored by the mean things that she actually did in later years. She was definitely that clique-y, mean girl that Tina Fey wrote so wonderfully about, though by high school her power had all but disappeared.

I actually can't remember what she looked like in high school, but I can still picture her face telling me about Jeffrey MacIntosh trying to kiss her. Or how she looked when she made fun of people.

Anyway, I'm thinking about her because I think Ironflower has her own Kristen McCormick this year. Well, not exactly. This girl doesn't pick on Ironflower much (yet?), but I sense the malice in her. I've heard the malice in her when she didn't realize an adult was around. Ironflower reports on the malice in her regularly.

But she's not threatening anyone, or destroying their Facebook walls, or even spreading rumors about them. She's just saying mean things and excluding others from her playground games and her birthday party (who invites all but two of the girls in the class to the birthday party? Who?). Unfortunately, there's nothing in the anti-bullying regulations about that.

Ironflower, though, is already smarter than I was at that age. While she has remained friendly with Kristen McCormick 2.0, Ironflower is distancing herself. She's made other friends in their class. She's decided that she doesn't want her to be one of the 5 who gets to come over for her own almost-sleepover party. She's not relying on this girl for friendship, nor is she taking what she says personally. And if she has a crush, she certainly hasn't mentioned it to anybody.

It's probably because I haven't let her watch Grease.