There's a baby swim class at the same time as Hugmonkey's new swim class. It's great because when it's not Hugmonkey's turn, I can watch all the adorable babies. It's hard not to have baby lust when you like babies and your "baby" is 5.
Fortunately, the baby class ends at the same time as Hugmonkey's. I get to see the moms struggle to change diapers and rinse babies and get out of their own bathing suits and deal with crying and bottles and pacifiers on the floor. Meanwhile, I'm checking my phone because Hugmonkey is in a stall dressing himself. The baby lust recedes quickly.
Sometimes I participate in the conversations the moms are having while they wait their turns for the changing tables. Sometimes they even ask me questions as I lounge against the wall. Usually, I don't really get to answer because babies aren't conducive to conversations. Of course, neither is Hugmonkey when he's ready to get going and have lunch. Anyway, here is what I'd like to tell the "baby moms" I see every week. . .
- Just buy the minivan. Even if you only ever have one kiddo, there will come a time in the not-too-distant future where you'll be hauling extra kids around. Trust me.
- No one cares whether your baby's socks match.
- Write down (even if it's just on Facebook) when especially cute or funny stuff happens, because your memory is never going to work as well as it used to.
- Baby swim class is a fine activity, but just because your kid likes it now, that doesn't mean he's destined to be the next Ryan Lochte. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
- The same holds true for baby music, baby gym, baby art and (for Brooklyn parents) baby DJ class.
- I know you can't imagine why I'm so entertained by "talking" to your baby, but you'll understand someday when your youngest child regularly performs 30 minute monologues on Minecraft.