Who Is Your Favorite Real Housewife?

Thank you, by the way, to everyone who commented and/or said something supportive about Monday's post. Just letting it all out there and hearing so many kind and empathetic words in return has made me feel so much better. Better enough to confess to an even great sin: an addiction to The Real Housewives. 

I blame my Real Housewives addiction on breastfeeding.

I know that there are tons of women who could just sit still and breastfeed and enjoy their closeness to their child, but I was not one of those women. Especially at 3am when all I wanted to do was go back to bed. But Ironflower fussed like crazy when I tried to read (I wish they'd had tablets then, would have been so much easier to hold one handed), so I started watching all kinds of TV shows. When Lovebug was born 15 months later, not only did he fuss when I read, he nursed ALL the time.

I practically had no choice but to start watching The Real Housewives of Orange County when it began a few weeks later - I was running out of things to watch.

Of course, now that it's been more than 4 years since I weaned Hugmonkey, you'd think I'd have stopped watching so much silly TV. But you'd be wrong, because now I have to fold laundry for 5 people, all of whom need workout/sports/dance clothes and regular clothes practically every day. And if I couldn't stare into space while nursing, which was fun for me, you can be damn well sure that I'm not going to stare into space while folding laundry.

Was that a long enough rationalization for this post? (If you don't watch any of the shows, you can stop reading now. I won't mind.)

Real Housewives Dream Teams

Cast members that I would actually want to be friends with in real life, who I can only assume are doing the show to promote their businesses and get free trips:
  • Carole Radziwill (NYC): How do you not like Carole? She's funny and intelligent. 
  • Kandi Burruss (Atlanta): As long as you don't talk about her husband or go near her mother, I think Kandi looks like she would be a lot of fun to be around. 
  • Brandi Glanville (BH): She's a disaster, but she's my kind of disaster. 
  • Kim Richards (BH): I wanted to be her after watching Escape to Witch Mountain. She's probably the most genuine person on any of the shows. 
  • Alex McCord (NYC): At first I found you disturbing, Alex (and I'm still not sure about your hubby Simon), but once you started having a backbone I started liking you. 
  • Heather Dubrow (OC): I too have a need to be right all the time. I get you, Heather. 
  • Yolanda Foster (BH): I can't believe I'm putting her here either. But I bet she's a good friend. 
  • Kristen (NYC): Anyone who stands up to Ramona has got to be cool. 

Cast members that used to be cool, but now have had way too much of the Bravolebrity* kool-aid: 

  • Nene Leakes (Atlanta): She turned into a royal bitch this season, don't you think? 
  • Bethenny Frankel (NYC): The talk show just killed me. 
  • Jeana Keough (OC): The whole siding with Simon and letting your sons be so rude to you tells me she needs some feminist consciousness raising classes before we could hang out. 
  • Caroline Manzo (NJ): We only live a couple of towns apart and I've heard way too much gossip about your family to believe in your cool TV persona. 
  • Sonja Morgan (NYC): From flighty to mentally ill in just a few seasons. 
  • Cynthia Bailey (Atlanta): Speak up. Dump Peter. Then we can be friends. 
  • Heather (NYC): I want to like you more, but "Holla!" gets on my nerves. 

Meh. I do not care about and/or remember any of these people. They would have to be in some kind of Bravolebrity Death Match to get me to watch them (and I totally would): 

  • The entire cast of The Real Housewives of D.C.
  • The entire cast of The Real Housewives of Miami.
  • Carlton (BH): I wanted to like you, Carlton. I know so many lovely Wiccans. But you're not one of them. 
  • Alexis, Quinn, Lynn, Peggy (OC): Be smarter. 
  • Dina Manzo (NJ): Your charity is great, but you bore me. 
  • Jacqueline Laurita (NJ): See above. 
  • Anyone I forgot to mention from the early seasons of OC and Atlanta. 
  • Danielle Staub (NJ): Perhaps her crazy just didn't last long enough for me to want her in the group below. 
  • Jill Zarin (NYC): Poor Jill. 
  • Porsha (Atlanta): Be much, much smarter. 
  • Kathy Wakile (NJ): You seem nice, Kathy. I hope you win Bravolebrity Death Match. 
  • Taylor (BH): I can't even. 
  • Joyce (BH): You need to be doing the weather somewhere. 

They should live in a Big Brother style house, be recorded 24/7  and let us make bets on who will poison whom first: 

  • Lisa Vanderpump (BH): She is secretly ruling us all. 
  • Kenya Moore (Atlanta): I am waiting for her to turn up on a Dr. Drew show. 
  • Teresa Giudice (NJ): She'd probably like this show idea more than jail. 
  • Aviva Drescher (NYC): I want to see her delusions battle Kenya's delusions. 
  • Phaedra Parks (Atlanta): Anything to get away from Apollo, amirite? 
  • Tamra Barney and Vicki Gunvalson (OC): They'll have to be separated if we want a fair fight. Hopefully Tamra will tell Vicki the truth about her opinion on Brooks; that will separate them for sure. 
  • Kelly Bensimon (NYC): I bet Lisa would "adopt her" and set her loose on the other women. 
  • And then Kyle Richards (BH) would be all jealous and they could have a hair-tossing fight. 
  • Melissa Gorga (NJ): I would like to hear Vicki and Tamra dissect Melissa's marriage advice book. 
  • Ramona Singer (NYC): Take away her Pinot and let's see what happens.
  • Luann de Lesseps (NYC): I really want to see her lose her shit. If these women can't break her, no one can. 
  • Gretchen and Jo (OC): I just really want to hear how Slade managed to snag both of you. 
  • Kim Zolciak (Atlanta): She could just bring her army of kids and outflank everyone. 
Who did I forget? Who do you want to see on Real Housewives/Big Brother? Who is your favorite housewife? 

*I am using the term "Bravolebrity" on purpose; I love the Housewives, but they are not real celebrities. 

No comments: