Turning Forty-Two Tuesday: Holy Crap

Sometime in the next few days, it will be the twentieth anniversary of my graduation from college. Actually, it may have already happened. I know it was in May, 1993, though. Which, holy fucking crap, was twenty years ago.

I have been an (alleged) adult for TWENTY YEARS.

You'd think I would have gotten better at it by now.

To be fair, I am much less insane than I was twenty years ago. Also, less blond. And far less skinny. But in general, I prefer being 42 to being 22, unless I'm looking in a mirror.

A fancy dinner with Dad, Grandma and Mom

Yeah, I wore hiking boots and a flannel under my gown. It was 1993, okay? 

Notice how I have cunningly left my then fiancee, now ex-husband out of these photos? Fortunately my parents insisted on some pictures where he was not plastered to my side. Thank God. 

Which leads me to the advice section of this post. Take heed of my wisdom, new graduates and other youngish people. . .because I don't have a lot of it and what I do have is very precious to me.

1. When you are taking pictures at a life event, focus on taking pictures with your family - especially your grandparents. I do know some couples who have been (happily) together since college and even high school, but I know a lot more people who cringe when you bring up the "love" of their 22 year old selves. Play it safe. 

2. Hiking boots should only be worn when hiking and never as a fashion statement. 

3. Listen to music that actually makes you happy, not what is hipster and cool, unless you really like what is hipster and cool.

4. Tattoos are forever. Be sober for them. 

5. Piercing any part of the ear that is not the lobe never, ever heals. 

6. You've only a year or two left before sleeping on a futon becomes uncomfortable. Start saving for an actual bed now. And buy a good one. 

7. Contrary to (some) popular belief and any '80's movies you may have seen, you do not have to have your life figured out now. In fact, just when you think you do have it figured it out, something will change. You are never going to feel all grown up. But you will feel much more sure of yourself.

8. If you are too shy to buy condoms at your local drug store and to ask your doctor for  birth control, you are not ready to be having so much sex. 

9. Don't go to graduate school right away. You need to excel at graduate school and you'll be a lot more motivated if you've worked at a crappy job for a while. 

10. Travel. By yourself. I don't care if it's just a five hour road trip to visit your best friend from high school, just go. 

Turning Forty-Two Tuesday: I Still Love You, Tony Gonzalez*

Welcome to my new series, "Turning Forty-Two Tuesday", because the "Ticked Off Tuesday" thing was getting TOO negative. Plus, I am turning forty-two this year and that is "The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything."

Even though some of my fondest childhood memories involve everyone watching Steelers games at my Grandma's house, I did not grow up watching sports. Occasionally, there was football on. Sometimes we talked about who won at dinner. In high school, though, football games were a social occasion. And I loved a social occasion.

Also, some members of the football team. Not that they were ever aware of this. Or me.

I had friends who played lacrosse and friends who played soccer and friends who wrestled and even friends who played hockey, which was not a New Jersey thing yet. But I found watching my friends play fun. So when I happened to attend a college that was all about hockey, and befriended a coach's daughter, and lived downstairs from (it seemed like) half the team, I got really into hockey.

Also, some members of the hockey team. Not that they were aware of this. Or me.

My college, BU, was also basically adjacent to Fenway Park. Naturally, I got into baseball. I mean, I'd always rooted for the Yankees, because in junior high we all had to declare our allegiance and I liked their uniforms better, but my true fandom started with the Red Sox.

By the time I left Boston 5 years later (I stuck around for a year after graduating), I was a huge baseball fan, a big college hockey fan and somewhat of a pro hockey fan. Then I moved to Portland. The only team you heard about from Oregon back then was the Trailblazers.

This did not turn me into a basketball fan. I'm pretty sure nothing will turn me into a basketball fan, unless Lovebug continues his interest in it.

Out west, removed from my Red Sox and my BU Terriers and my NJ Devils, with no internet to help me stay up to date (it was 1994), I became a Mariners fan. And a T-birds fan. The Thunderbirds were Seattle's minor league hockey team in 1994. I should totally Google whether they still exist.

Which I guess is my point. After 2 years in Portland and then 2 in Seattle, I moved to Kansas City. Where I promptly became a Chiefs fan. I tried to like the Royals and I think I went to one minor league hockey game before the team moved,  but there wasn't enough excitement. I tried to follow my old teams, but I didn't have fancy cable. Or that much of an inclination. And Chiefs games were so much fun. College football was so popular that it was easy to get sucked in. I promptly stopped following baseball and hockey and became a football fan.

I mean, I actually bought this outfit - or one similar - for baby Ironflower.

I discovered the truth when I moved back to the Northeast: I'm not really a fan at all. Since the New York area has so many teams for so many different sports, there's no city-wide obsession to get sucked into. Plus, I have no friends here who like to spend hours in sports bars drinking beer, eating fried foods and watching games.

I don't like sports; I like sports bars. And tailgating. And beer. And socializing. Home alone on a Sunday afternoon during football season? I will choose to get caught up on Parks and Recreation rather than watch a football game. Flipping the channels at bed time? I'll watch The Daily Show over any baseball game.

All these years I claimed to be a sports fan were a lie; I am actually a beer drinking fan who happens to understand the rules of most major sports.

*Tony Gonzalez was a Chiefs Tight End when I lived in Kansas City. My friend Mimi was truly in love with him, so much so that when I called her at 1 am from a club because he was there she almost left her then boyfriend in bed and came out. Also? She wasn't mad that I called her at 1 am from a club when she was sleeping peacefully with her boyfriend.