Give Me Cheese Or Give Me Death

I love cheese. I will go into a deli and get a sandwich with just cheese (and mayo). I will order a grilled cheese at a diner. I will eat Brie and crackers for dinner. I will make nachos with just cheese and salsa. I'm not sure I've ever eaten a hamburger plain.

This may also explain why I haven't worn a bikini since 1989.

Which is fine, because in my heart I know that cheese is better than being super skinny.

And sadly, now I know I won't be having any for the next eight months or so.

EIGHT MONTHS, people.

You see, ChunkyMonkey has always been kind of rash-y. The rashes were mild, they would come and go with no discernible pattern and no one seemed to worry about them much. He's also always been kind of stuffy, but we blamed that on his siblings and the germfest preschool they attend. And sure, we had noticed that he seemed to have extremely bad gas but it was only recently that it had made him cry and wake out of a sound sleep.

But I started to wonder. The pediatrician asked about my eating anything strange to explain the rashes, but as I listed my cheese/bagel heavy diet, she moved on to "must have super-sensitive skin". Except I kept thinking about the yogurt I had recently added to my breakfast routine - calcium being so important and all. I decided to consult with my best friend, the internet.

And together we began to suspect that ChunkyMonkey has a sensitivity to cow's milk protein. Which meant that I needed to remove dairy from my diet for two to three weeks to see if he improves. It's been three days (and let me tell you how much I want some fucking cheese, dammit).

My son is rash-free. You can't hear him fart from across the house. He is happier. His nose is not stuffed up.

And I am. . . not sure I can live without cheese. Especially not when I can't console myself with ice cream. I mean, THIS SUCKS. And we're only on day four.

I guess an option would be to quit breast-feeding. And when people ask me why I stopped I can just admit that I couldn't live without cheese. Plus, you know, I believe in breastfeeding if at all possible. And by possible I've always meant that the breastfeeding is not painful for either party. Which this isn't. I'm not in pain from not eating dairy products.

Not physical pain, anyway.

Oh ChunkyMonkey, I love you more than cheese. Wow.