Throwback Thursday: Poor Lindsay Lohan

I wrote this in June, 2007. Nearly 5 years later, not much has changed in Lindsay's life. Except she works a lot less. Maybe this latest trip to rehab will help.  I don't feel as sorry for as I used to, what with all the things she's stolen and worse behaviors. I still think her problem goes way beyond alcohol, though. 

Shameless, Drunken Hussy

I feel sorry for Lindsay Lohan. I realize that she's young, rich, pretty and talented and that there are plenty of people in the world who deserve my sympathy than she does. But I have enough to go around and I think Lindsay needs it too.

She's back in rehab now, and I hope that helps. But to tell you the truth, I'm not sure if alcohol is really her problem. When I was 21 I went out six nights a week (ahh, how I miss college). No one thought I was weird or wild - I still went to class, volunteered with my theater group and baby-sat. But I also used my newfound independence to dress in a more revealing way, to see how many shots I could do in one sitting (11) and to try to figure out who the heck I really was. I am SO glad no one caught it on video.

I'm also glad that the tabloids missed the chance to use the headline, "Elementary School Teachers Perform 'Baby Got Back' While Standing on Local Bar". And no one ever reported, "Teacher Steps on Broken Glass, Keeps Dancing - Gets Seven Stitches and Antibiotics At ER Next Day". There were no flashbulbs popping the time an intoxicated gentleman I was dancing with dipped me - and dropped me, (Stockbroker Dumps Teacher in Public?) either. For which I am grateful.

If I had been a starlet, the tabloids would have LOVED me. But fortunately I am not famous and when I do something stupid I have only my friends and acquaintances to laugh at me. Except for when the stockbroker dropped me - my partner in crime at the time was outside kissing the stockbroker's friend. It was actually worse having no friends to laugh with me. Lindsay is just a kid with lousy parents, a big bank account and probably no one who actually laughs with her. I can only hope all those reporters and pundits making a living off of her have never tried drugs, caused a car accident, passed out from alcohol or partied a lot. Otherwise their hypocrisy would nauseate me.

Flashback: Reason #1664 I Quit Teaching

I was watching the Wanda Sykes show last night (It was one channel up from the Olympics and I got really sick of staring at Apolo Ohno's stupid soul patch while waiting for him to skate) and they got into a discussion about how some 12 year old New York City schoolgirl got arrested for writing on her desk.

Now, I missed this story, probably because the only local news I (grudgingly) watch is News12New Jersey. I could Google it now and get all the facts, but they're not germane to my post and, um, once I start Googling things hours fly by and I realize that I've forgotten to feed my children. So if you really care, you can Google it yourself. Preferably after you've read my post.

Anyway, Wanda was getting all, "They've taken 'zero tolerance' too far!" and her guests were all "Oh my, who could handcuff a 12 year old girl?"

I could.

I've seen a second grader handcuffed and you know what my main emotion was? Relief.

Granted, the second grader had been throwing chairs at other students and had had to be restrained by 2 adults and hadn't been writing on his desk, but still. You know what started the assault (yes, I"m calling it assault when a student throws chairs at other students and bites a teacher and bruises several teachers) with the second grader? I wanted him to do his math. His math that he was fully intellectually capable of doing.

His mother's response, when confronted with her son's behavior issues, was to tell us not to upset him. Other responses I've heard from parents (and yes these are all true, I wrote them all down at one time or another) about things like biting, stealing, cheating and vandalizing include:

"He ain't my problem when he's at school,"

"Why you always be picking on my boy?"

"I'll make sure to smack him when he gets home,"

"Well, my daughter says you punch the other kids."

"Yeah, she's bad."

Most of the students of those parents were not ever arrested at school, at least not while I was teaching them. My school, though I think it had "zero tolerance" on the books, had a more of a let's-wait-until-you-assault-the-principal- tolerance policy.

So most of those kids? Only got worse. Maybe a few teachers got together and came up with a strategy to help this kid or that kid, but they were all only band-aids. Most of the parents were too stressed, overwhelmed or angry to get involved. They just stopped answering calls from the school.

But when a kid is arrested, that's different. They have to get involved then. There are social workers and evaluations and all sorts of things. Sometimes this inspires the parent to move to a new school district (that's what happened with my second grader) but sometimes it actually helps.

I'd rather have a 12 year old arrested for writing on her desk than an 18 year old arrested for vandalizing a store. I'd rather have a second grader in handcuffs than a 14 year old beating someone to death. (Actually what I'd rather have is a world with no unwanted children, where parents have to be licensed and every child knows unconditional love, but I accept reality).

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