Dear Ironflower and Lovebug,
I love you two more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone. You are beautiful, brilliant and funny.
But sometimes I want to send you to boarding school. I know that you are only three and not quite two, but just hear me out. Every time you have a baby-sitter (be it grandparents or family friend), I hear about what amazingly well-behaved children you are. Ironflower, your teacher says you NEVER whine at school. She was genuinely surprised when I picked you up yesterday and you started whining. And Lovebug, you NEVER do your screaming thing in public anymore. You only do it for me - you're already up to four screaming fits this morning. And well, children, I'm getting kind of tired of the tantrums, whining, screaming and general defiance.
Sometimes I think I must be doing something wrong and that's why all of your unpleasantness is saved for me. And that's where I got the boarding school idea. At boarding school, you wouldn't have to assert your independence - you'd already be independent! Isn't that what you want? At boarding school you would be able to be your INCREDIBLE public selves ALL THE TIME.
And I would get to spend a day or two free from screaming, tantrums and defiance.
Because kiddos, I would probably only make it without you for about two days. And then I'd have to rush up to your boarding school for hugs. And there's also the fact that you MIGHT have some separation anxiety without me for a couple of days. Especially at bedtime
So maybe the boarding school idea won't work.
So I guess that means we're going to have to improve your behavior right here at home. Got any ideas?
All my love,
Mommy
