Pax Hempmom, Part Deux*

So I started meditating.

Even though I find it very difficult to be quiet unless I am reading or watching Grey's Anatomy. Even though "daydream" is my default setting. Even though I'm the sarcastic friend, not the spiritually enlightened one. Even though I kinda skimmed through the India portion of Eat, Pray, Love. Even though I never saw myself as one of "those people".

Let's be clear, I suck at meditating.

But the main point I've gotten out of Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation: A 28-Day Programis that it's okay that I suck.

Also, meditating is really good for you.

So far I think it's reduced my yelling by about 15%. But that could be just because the more I prioritize my own needs to fight off my depression, the less of a crabby bitch I am. But maybe that's the point? I'm really kind of new to this whole hippie thing. I mean, if I continue meditating and eliminating most processed foods, do I have to stop wearing make-up and dyeing my hair? If I've stopped letting Ironflower watch iCarly, does that mean I have to give up TV altogether? Do I have start listening to The Grateful Dead again?

Hopefully I can pick and choose what I want, like a lifestyle buffet. Because while this meditation thing is pretty awesome, my lipstick will have to be pried out of my cold, dead hands.


*Hot Shots and its sequel should really be on cable more.


 .

Call Me Pax Hempmom

I've always thought that people who claimed to be possessed had mental and/or physical problems that explained their behavior. Like that little girl in The Exorcist was probably molested by the priest or something.* So the fact that I'm sure I'm being possessed by some earth mother from the '60's means that I'm in the midst of a nervous breakdown and/or I really do have a brain tumor.**

The first time I was allowed to stay home by myself and make my own dinner, I "made" Pringles and Chips Ahoy. And 20 years later the first dinner I "made" in the first house I bought? Also Pringles and Chips Ahoy. Not only do I not cook, I don't even like meals. Except for breakfast. I could eat breakfast food all day long. I would probably weigh 10 more pounds if I knew how to cook bacon properly.

So yeah, about the possession. Recently I've begun to think that all this crap I eat and even the restricted crap I let my children eat (whole grain Goldfish! Wendy's chicken nuggets, not McDonald's!) is quite possibly truly bad for us. I mean, I've always known vegetables were healthier, but I figured kids with my genes wouldn't fall for the whole broccoli is a treat thing. Especially since, even as babies, they were chucking the broccoli across the room. But I didn't think I was feeding them anything that would actually hurt them. And then I heard about arsenic in apple juice. And suddenly I was thinking the Real Food movement might have a point.

It was when I downloaded one of Michael Pollan's books instead of a new mystery that I started to get concerned. And I got downright scared today when I told Hugmonkey I wouldn't buy him grapes because they weren't organic. Also, I may have ordered "The ABCs of Yoga for Kids" on Lovebug's last Scholastic book order.

Clearly, I've been possessed by an earth mother.


*I've never actually seen The Exorcist. But I know it involves possession and a priest. 


**Don't you always think "brain tumor" whenever you get a headache? No?