Bigger Kids, Bigger Problems

Ironflower and Lovebug's preschool teacher used to say that to me, as I dragged a screaming toddler (or two or three) off the playground. In those moments, I had no concept of what she was saying, so focused was I on just getting all the kids strapped into the car.

It popped into my head when I was at yet another pediatrician appointment with Ironflower and there was a screaming baby. The poor baby was very new and had clearly just gotten a vaccination. The screaming stopped so abruptedly that Ironflower was confused. "Pacifier," I said, "or maybe the mom is nursing for comfort." Ironflower nodded sagely before gripping my hand during yet another coughing fit. Poor kid got pneumonia in December and has been dealing with repeated colds ever since; they have now diagnosed her with asthma.

Which cannot be fixed with a pacifier.

Or a piece of chocolate.

Or even a nap.

Most of the time, I really love where my kids are now. I love the conversations we have, the jokes they make and the fact that I never have to strap them into car seats. I love watching them develop responsibility, especially when it means I don't have to get up early Saturday mornings to fix them breakfast.

But there's something to be said for being able to fix your kid's problems with a small piece of silicone*. Or by getting up early to make breakfast.

When a classmate doesn't want to be your kid's friend, or when your kid is struggling to learn how to read, fixing gets a lot more complicated.

Of course, later you don't even get to fix the problem. If you're lucky you might get an assist, or at least hear about it after the fact. Ironflower sobbed about math the other day; apparently she panics during tests and then she makes stupid mistakes and now she believes she will not get into advanced math in seventh grade.**

I barely have an assist here. Sure, I gave her some ideas on calming down during tests. But I have no control over whether she'll use them or whether she's placed in advanced math.*** AND THAT TOTALLY SUCKS BALLS.

THIS is why I miss my kids being little and this is what I want to yell to every frazzled mom of toddlers, past me included.

*I just had to Google what pacifiers are made out of , I'm so far out of the baby stage. 

** I was kicked out of advanced math after seventh grade for screwing up the mid-term, despite the fact that I got an A on the final. Not that I'm bitter, but I did point out to Ironflower that this was way more humiliating than not getting in at all. Oh, and I think I also mentioned that not getting into advanced math did not mean she wouldn't get into college. 

***I happen to think her math teacher is delightfully competent, so there's no way in hell I'd even try to over-ride her recommendation. 

Teaching Tuesday: Math Is Important Too

Last night during dinner, Lovebug wanted me to give him some "hard" math problems. Mostly because his sister, who had proclaimed math "boring", was getting attention from my lovely cousin and her terrific boyfriend to prove that math was not boring.

I would venture to say it's their school's math curriculum that is boring, because both kids seemed very entertained by math at the dinner table last night.

Coming up with challenging problems for Lovebug was actually entertaining me, because I was trying to come up with ones where I too could figure out the answer in my head. I decided to throw division at my second grader because nothing else was challenging him enough. After I explained that division was breaking numbers up into smaller, equal groups, I tried this:

Me: What's 100 divided by 2 plus 4? 

Lovebug: (practically without pausing) 54

Clearly I'm going to need to use a calculator to challenge him from now on. Just as clearly, the Bedtime Math Hot Guy has been doing with the kids is very effective.

I used to hate math. First it got boring, probably in fourth grade or so. Piles of worksheets will do that to a kid. Then it got harder and then I started to hate it. Hell, I remember dreading the math courses I had to take to become a teacher. . . .

but those courses were different. Not only did I understand their purpose, we actually talked about math and wrote about math and no one gave me any worksheets. I had stopped hating math. Years later, during training for a math curriculum that my district adopted (and that I wish my kids' district would adopt) I actually started to see why people said math was fun. I mean, I'd still rather read a book, but I'll play a math game without complaint. And I can figure out a tip without using that formula that confused me and annoyed me throughout sixth grade.

But you'll notice that most of my Teaching Tuesday posts have been about reading. I'm still more comfortable talking about reading than talking about math. A lot of the people I know - especially a lot of the women I know - will describe themselves as bad at math, or hating math. And that kills me. A facility with numbers - whether it's figuring out sale prices versus coupon prices versus regular prices, or mutual fund performance, or interest rates - is a key part of future financial health. From being able to calculate checkbook balances in your head to being able to judge whether the new couch will fit, math comes up all the time (just like reading).

So let's stop badmouthing our math skills in front of our children and start giving our kids the confidence and skill we didn't have. Let's problem solve at bedtime. Let's not let our discussions of math taper off after our kids learn to count and recognize patterns. Let's not let (often weird, or boring) math homework be the only kind of math our kids see at home.

Ways to Promote Math at Home:

• Are your kids asking for a dog? Have them calculate how much it would cost, or how much time they will have to put in each week to take care of it. 
• Use the digit cards from a card deck (or use index cards to make your own) to play "Make 10" instead of Gin Rummy. Instead of matching digits or finding consecutive cards in one suit, look for cards that equal 10 for addition, 5 for subtraction, 50 for multiplication and so on. 
• Use math fact flashcards to play memory, with cards that have the same answer being a "match". 
• Help them use a checkbook ledger to keep track of their allowance, gift money and what they spend it on. 
• Do a fun math problem before bed each night, like calculating the number of servings in a bag or pretzels or one from a book like "Bedtime Math". 
• Tanagrams, Legos and pattern blocks are all toys that promote spatial awareness and skill. 
• Have them figure out stats (or what the stats mean) for their favorite sports teams. 
• Let them cut out and keep track of coupons, then add the savings they found to their allowance. 
• Encourage them to play math games on their device of choice (look for suggestions in Friday's post). 

Teaching Tuesday: Flashcards

When Ironflower was a baby, someone gave her a set of picture flashcards. They were lovely photographs of things like fish and horses, each with the word printed on the front and some facts to share on the back. Ironflower loved them. She loved to chew on them and fling them under the couch.

I don't think I ever made it through one of the fact paragraphs before she yanked the card out of my hands.

Which just goes to show that Ironflower was born being pretty damn smart; babies do not need flashcards, they need conversations. In other words, if you're reading this post because you want to use flashcards with your baby, toddler or preschooler, step away from the computer and play with them instead. Or chat with them as you go for a walk around the block.

That said, I am not against all flashcards. For older kids, flashcards can be a great way to memorize sight words, math facts and foreign language vocabulary. But there's no need to waste money on buying flashcards; have kids make their own with markers and index cards. Then spend 5 minutes every day on them.

When I taught, we practiced with flashcards every single day. A few minutes during reading, a few minutes during math. In reading, I would hold up a flashcard and the kids would say the word ("The!"), spell the word ("T! H! E!") and say it again. In math, they would say the whole number sentence. So if I held up a card that said, "4 + 6", they would say, "4 + 6 = 10". I usually focused on 10 cards at a time, 5 for kids who were struggling. After a week or so, I would test kids individually on the cards to see if they were ready for the next set. When testing, I considered them "correct" if they got the correct answer within two seconds. The point of sight word, and math fact, flashcards is automaticity, after all.

Vowel digraphs, like "oo" and "ou", can also be memorized through flashcards. I have to admit to being terribly lax about doing flashcards with my own kids, but now that work is getting a little more difficult for Ironflower, I'm probably going to start. I want her to know her multiplication and division facts through 12 and her Greek/Latin suffixes and prefixes before the year is over. Of course, Lovebug will undoubtedly jump in on this and be twice as bored in third grade as he is in second but I guess it'll be practice for all the boring meetings he'll have to sit through some day.