Seven Drafts Worth of Crazy

I have 7 draft posts in my posts folder right now.

( In the spirit of authenticity, I should confess that there are 7 draft posts at the TOP of my folder right now and I actually don't know how many there are all together. But that seemed wordy for an opening sentence.)

That's how many posts I've attempted to write since January, when I had every intention of going back to blogging (again).

I've been blogging since 2007 and I'm not sure when it transitioned from something that helped my depression/anxiety/general weirdness to something that I avoided when I was feel especially anxious and/or depressed, but transition it did.

I also stopped feeling comfortable telling my kids' stories, which made me question which stories of my own I could tell. There were a lot of stories that I didn't feel I could tell here, for various reasons. Like I sort of wanted to write about my job, but I knew if I deeply examined my feelings about the job - the job I bragged about on Facebook and that would have been my dream job in 2007 - I would get even worse at it.

To be clear, I sucked so much at that job that they're not renewing my contract next year. And after digesting the massive blow to my self-esteem and my wallet, I realized that I did not, in fact, love what was supposed to be my dream job. I am tempted now to list exactly why I wasn't considered good at it, and why that's not entirely my fault and how their version of good isn't necessarily right but. . .

that's just my ego talking.

My ego is a loud bitch and she feels like we not only screwed up the job this year, but that we also screwed up a volunteer position that was dear to our heart. . . .

(You're noticing the weirdness thing now, aren't you?)

and she would like to populate this post with excuses. She would also like me to stop talking about her because, you know, . . . .

WEIRDNESS.

Anyway, the 7 drafts. Most of them are some version of this post - disorganized brain dumps that I'm not sure should ever be published. But clearly, until I publish a poorly organized, not clearly written brain dump I'm not going to be able to go back to actual blogging.

And I really do want to go back to actual blogging.

So, What Do You Think?

Seriously, I don't know what I'm doing here. At all. But I've missed blogging while I've been writing boring web content (actual article topic: What should I do with clothes that won't get clean in the washer). So I've decided to take it a bit more seriously. Which seemed like a good idea when I decided to get my own domain and all.

But I've been working on this all day (when not attending preschool parent meetings, reading Green Eggs and Ham and changing diapers) and now I'm a little nervous. Things are much more complicated than I'd expected.

Somehow I thought all this time on the computer would have turned me into someone who understands all this crap. But no, acting like a computer geek (eating junk food, spending too much time online) has not magically turned me into one.

Shit.

PS: I'm trying to update and organize my links. Email me at jen@jerseygirl89.com if you want to be added or you have a cause you want me to link to.