If You Don't Watch Bravo, You'll Never Understand This Post

I am so glad The Real Housewives of New York City are back on again. Not that I don't enjoy watching all the other Housewives shows, because I do.

(See? No shame. No embarrassment. I am letting the entire world know that I watch trashy reality TV. Actually, I do more than watch - I THINK about it.)

But the New York Housewives are my favorites. They're smarter than the other Housewives. It pains me to say it, Jersey resident that I am, but it's true. When I watch the other Housewives shows, I'm always listening for grammatical mistakes and the misuse of big words. I'm also always staring in mute horror at the behavior of most of  the husbands. Which is its own kind of fun.

But the New York Housewives generally make sense. And while there are many, many, many things to be said about the symbiotic relationship between Alex and her husband Simon, I'd much rather hang out with him than with Tamra's husband Simon. That guy is such a douche.

Anyway, what's great about the New York show is that while the women seem fairly intelligent and have equal marriages (er, those that still have marriages), they are STILL immature and nuts. They have stupid fights, alliances change and where you sit really, really matters. It's like high school with money.

I would happily go out drinking with any of the New York women (except Kelly, she's a  complete bitch). I would go out with a few of the Atlanta women too, but that's it. All the cool Orange County Housewives have left. And the New Jersey Housewives. . . . .

I will watch it when it comes on again. Partially because I like to see places I recognize  on camera. It makes me feel cool. And of course, they do provide a lot of drama. But naturally I find the show embarrassing. I mean, not only is it about New Jersey, it's about my area of it. And it's not completely inaccurate. That, quite possibly, is the worst part.

Which is another reason to love the New York show. I'm not from there. Sure, I'm familiar with it. I've even been to the Hamptons before. (Once. A long time ago.) But it's not personal.

Thank God.

I Can't Believe I'm Posting About This

Days like this I'm ready to move back to Kansas City. Not because of my friends or the more affordable lifestyle, but because I need the sun. I cannot take anymore rain. It's the sole reason that I would never move back to Portland. I LOVE Portland. Especially it's proximity to the beach and the mountains. Where was I? (See, the rain is even starting to affect my brain.) Oh yeah, RAIN.

You see, it doesn't rain this much in Kansas City. Ever. And it' never this fucking cold in JUNE, either.I

I need summer and I need it now.

Today was supposed to be the end of the year picnic/pool party for the kids' preschool. Thanks to today's steady downpour it's being postponed until next week. When Hot Guy will be out of town. Which begs the question. . . .

Am I really going to appear in public, in front of all the lovely skinny mommies, in a bathing suit?

See, if we still lived in Kansas City I would not being having this problem. The party would have been today and Hot Guy could have done bathing suit duty. And, it would be SUMMER.

Or, if we lived in Portland, no one would have planned an outdoor pool party for June. Problem solved.

This weather is so bad that not only am I in a bad mood about it, I'm POSTING about it. I've been reduced to posting about the weather. What will I post about next - poopy diapers?

On an unrelated note: Watching the Real Housewives of NJ is really disturbing me. Some of them live in a nearby town - a town where I know people. And they keep eating at restaurants in my hometown. Part of me is appalled that their behavior will forever be associated with my home and another part of me keeps thinking, "See? THIS is why you don't have more friends here."

I Am All Kinds Of Wrong

It's wrong to laugh when the women on Real Housewives of Orange County cry, isn't it? I mean, they're people too. Sort of. They have feelings. But whenever one of them cries, I giggle.

And isn't it wrong to believe that I've never, ever started a fight with Hot Guy? I mean, wouldn't that be statistically impossible?

It's quite possibly wrong that I feel joy knowing that all three of my children are sleeping at this minute. The joy is not from the fact that are getting recuperative sleep to help them get better, either.

And it's definitely wrong that this whole c-section infection/gaping wound thing now ITCHES. I mean, it's much better than horrible pain but for the love of God, can't I just feel normal? And if I can't, couldn't they at least have done a tummy tuck while they were in there?

What's wrong with you?