Pop Culture Thursday: It's Fall TV Time!

It's probably kind of pathetic how happy I am that TV is back. Except that I'm 42 now, so isn't my delight rather expected? Like driving a minivan and getting a headache from one gin and tonic?

Actually, I really don't care whether it's pathetic, typical or some combination thereof. . .I have TV shows to watch!


Returning shows I love and will watch, even if it means staying up too late and being exhausted the next day:

• Grey's Anatomy: I know, I know. . .I stopped watching it for a while too. But it's gotten better. It's like watching the soaps of my youth, but with much better writing and acting.
• Grimm: How could I not love a combination of mystery and fantasy? 
• Once Upon a Time: A fairy-tale soap opera with ass-kicking. 
• Parks and Recreation: It took a while for this show to grown on me (it might have been the addition of Adam Scott), but now that it has I'm addicted. 
• Game of Thrones/Downton Abbey/Orange is the New Black - These are not returning, but they are my very favorites and I wish they were on all the damn time. 

Returning shows I watch regularly, because apparently I spend a lot of time folding laundry: 

• Modern Family: Genuinely funny.
• How I Met Your Mother: Normally I'm against all shows on CBS, just because I think that all of them are basically the same and it's such the dominant network and it's not on Hulu, but I make an exception for this show. Neil Patrick Harris, Alyson Hannigan and Jason Segel, duh. 
• The Mindy Project: I love Mindy Kaling. I can't say that the show lives up to her awesomeness, but it's cute. And I have a crush on Chris Messina. 
• Parenthood: I blame this one on all the soap opera watching I did in my formative years. 
• Chicago Fire: Ditto. Plus, truly hot actors. 
• Nashville: See above. 
• New Girl: I'm not proud of this. 

In addition to being resistant to watching shows on CBS, I also have a hard time starting new shows. Possibly because I watch too many shows as it is (but if I start blogging about them then I have to watch them. . . maybe I should start doing recaps? Leave your recap requests in the comments. Please.) However, this year I have tried Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Sleepy Hollow. Brooklyn Nine-Nine, which stars Andy Samberg Andre Braugher and Terry Crews, is okay. If you need more sitcoms in your life, this one could work. Sleepy Hollow, though, is for those of us who love Grimm and Once Upon a Time and history. My only quibble after the pilot is that they're not filming anywhere near the actual Sleepy Hollow (which is not that far from where I live), but in North Carolina. 

So what shows are you excited for this fall? What shows should I stop watching? What shows should I start watching? What shows should I start recapping so I have legitimate excuses to spend more time watching TV? 

This Is Probably What Mildred Pierce Was So Worried About

Can we just talk about Honey Boo Boo for a minute?

It probably doesn't help that I caught a few minutes of the show after watching the first episode of the Mildred Pierce miniseries from HBO. In it, Mildred has too much pride to ask her ex for financial support (or to stick around) and is so ashamed of being a waitress that she won't tell her kids about what she is doing for a living.

Talk about opposite ends of the spectrum.

Even if you account for the fact that Mildred's story is fictional and takes place in the early 1930's,
I was really uncomfortable with Mildred. When it comes to feeding my kids and getting them other stuff they need, I don't have a lot of pride. I would do any job, if I had to.  Being a waitress might not be as impressive as being a neurosurgeon, but it's hard, honest work. Why be ashamed of hard work? Only criminals should be ashamed to tell their kids how they put food on the table, right?

And yet, I also felt  uncomfortable watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Obviously, these people have no shame about putting their children on national television. . .or weighing them on national television. . .or having subtitles put under their comments because their accents are so thick. And maybe if I had 4 kids to feed and one of them was 17 and pregnant I'd be happy to get paid to live my life on television too. Hell, I'd think about it twice now, and I've only got 3 kids.

But as I watched them all eat Cheese Curls for breakfast, I just cringed. And it's not like I'm the poster child for healthy eating. I mean, I have eaten Cheese Curls for breakfast. Just not in front of my children or on national television. I felt shame for eating Cheese Curls for breakfast. I feel shame when I feed my kids fast food or my house is messy or whatever. There is not a time in my life - even when I wore a size 4 (which I did for quite a while) - that I would have been so comfortable that I would have let anyone weigh me on national television.

Too much shame is toxic. Obviously. But um, does that mean we should have no shame at all? For anything? Did Honey Boo Boo's family make me uncomfortable because I was jealous of their shame free lives?

What this probably means is that I should stop watching so much television.*

*Not that I'm ashamed of that or anything.

Someone Should Totally Pay Me For This

I watched Jersey Shore last night. Yes, I'm pretty sure I lost some IQ points, not to mention some self-respect. Also? I'm so, so glad that no one ever filmed me while I was drunk. Sure, I probably wouldn't have spent so much of my youth drunk if I'd known I was being filmed, but still.

The true problem here, of course, is that most of the shows I'm proud to watch are in hiatus right now or off the air completely. I long for the day when I can design my own TV channels so that I never wind up watching Jersey Shore again. Wouldn't it be awesome to be able to program your own channels, like some merger of Hulu and a cool video game?

I've been pondering this in the hours that I've been scrubbing the house (the rest of the family comes home tonight to a spotless house that I'm sure they will demolish within 3 hours) and I've come up with 3 channel ideas:

Great Drama: The West Wing, The Sopranos, Friday Night Lights, Homicide, Oz, Mercy, the first few seasons of ER, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Cold Feet, Fringe

Great Comedy: Sex and the City, Desperate Housewives, Modern Family, Friends, Arrested Development, Glee, Absolutely Fabulous, selected seasons and sketches of Saturday Night Live,

Great Trash: The Real Housewives, Real Sex, House Hunters, Bridezillas, Project Runway, Degrassi, Top Chef

I feel like I've forgotten some great shows, so please leave suggestions in the comments. What would your ideal channel show all day? What kind of channel have I forgotten?

Also, if you could please, please, please like my page on Facebook or follow my blog (or both) I promise I'll reward you when I win Powerball.

If You Don't Watch Bravo, You'll Never Understand This Post

I am so glad The Real Housewives of New York City are back on again. Not that I don't enjoy watching all the other Housewives shows, because I do.

(See? No shame. No embarrassment. I am letting the entire world know that I watch trashy reality TV. Actually, I do more than watch - I THINK about it.)

But the New York Housewives are my favorites. They're smarter than the other Housewives. It pains me to say it, Jersey resident that I am, but it's true. When I watch the other Housewives shows, I'm always listening for grammatical mistakes and the misuse of big words. I'm also always staring in mute horror at the behavior of most of  the husbands. Which is its own kind of fun.

But the New York Housewives generally make sense. And while there are many, many, many things to be said about the symbiotic relationship between Alex and her husband Simon, I'd much rather hang out with him than with Tamra's husband Simon. That guy is such a douche.

Anyway, what's great about the New York show is that while the women seem fairly intelligent and have equal marriages (er, those that still have marriages), they are STILL immature and nuts. They have stupid fights, alliances change and where you sit really, really matters. It's like high school with money.

I would happily go out drinking with any of the New York women (except Kelly, she's a  complete bitch). I would go out with a few of the Atlanta women too, but that's it. All the cool Orange County Housewives have left. And the New Jersey Housewives. . . . .

I will watch it when it comes on again. Partially because I like to see places I recognize  on camera. It makes me feel cool. And of course, they do provide a lot of drama. But naturally I find the show embarrassing. I mean, not only is it about New Jersey, it's about my area of it. And it's not completely inaccurate. That, quite possibly, is the worst part.

Which is another reason to love the New York show. I'm not from there. Sure, I'm familiar with it. I've even been to the Hamptons before. (Once. A long time ago.) But it's not personal.

Thank God.

Will Power; Not One of My Super Powers

The chances of my exercising will power are about as good as the chances of my exercising an ability to fly. It's just not going to happen, not above and beyond the will power I already exercise to get out of bed each morning and deal somewhat cheerfully with dressing, entertaining and feeding 3 small children while also writing an article or two. And doing a zillion dishes, because we just can't swing a new dishwasher right now. And sweeping up after the toddler. And you know, just dealing with crap.

So the chocolate gets eaten. The Lexulous gets played. And the TV gets watched. And watched. And watched.

Then I have a moment where I wish I had exercised more will power. Not when my 5 year old daughter is re-enacting RuPaul's Drag Race. Not when my almost 4 year old son recognizes Stewie from Family Guy. But when I catch myself watching Private Practice.

For those of you with lives, taste and will power, I will summarize. Private Practice is a spin-off of Grey's Anatomy, only the characters are even more fucked up. And every week there's a dead kid.

Seriously, every week some guest character's kid dies and I get all depressed. Yet I watch the show anyway. WHY? WHY? Is it really that important for me to witness Addison sleeping with every male character on the show? Is my crush on Taye Diggs that big? Am I secretly trying to harm myself? Will I start popping Vicodin next?

Why in the hell am I watching this show?

I don't even know anyone else who watches it, at least not who watches it avidly enough to discuss it (because seriously, Addison, why are you sleeping with Violet's guy when you wouldn't date Naomi's? Why? Why?). So keeping up with discussions doesn't excuse watching the show.

It must be that I don't have the will power to stop.

Is there a support group for this? Because, after last night's dying newborn debacle, I am SO ashamed that I watch this show. Yet I know I'll tune in next week, cursing myself all the while.

Do you have any shows you watch despite your shame?

Time To Get Off of the High Horse

Like most people, I loathe being stuck in traffic. But it doesn't generally make me angry, as I've realized the alternative to traffic: deserted areas called rural areas and inner cities filled with empty storefronts. Both of which make me nervous. The only time I get lose my "gee-this-sucks-I-guess-I'll-sing-along-with-the-radio" attitude is when the traffic is due to rubbernecking. Then I get pissed.

I remember my first impassioned rant against those who slow to a crawl in order to stare at an accident scene. It was on I-95 in Connecticut and the accident had been particularly horrible. I spent the two hours it took to go thirty miles going off on those who needed to invade the victims' privacy and dignity SO much that they were willing to ignore everyone else's need to get somewhere, just so they could stare. (My poor roommate - a four hour drive that turned into six and probably felt like eight hours to her.)

Then last night I shushed my baby because I couldn't hear the people on Toddlers and Tiaras. (for those of you who have lives - or standards - Toddlers and Tiaras is a show about little girls who participate in beauty pageants). I mean, I was also shushing him to calm him down because I'm such a devoted mother and all, but partly I wanted to listen to the delusional families on the show. And I realized that I am a total hypocrite.

Because what is reality TV but a chance to rubberneck while in the comfort of your own home?

Sure, some of the families/people seem pretty functional and normal (Jon and Kate Gosselin, I'm talking to you) but mostly you've got people who have some issues like dressing up their daughters like dolls or having 18 kids or wanting to go on the Rock of Love bus. And that's just on basic cable - HBO could have it's own freaky reality channel with Real Sex and Taxicab Confessions (not that I've ever recorded those shows. I've just heard. Really.)

So basically, I'm watching these shows to find out what horror will happen next. Just like all those a-holes on the highway, staring at accidents.

At least I'm not causing any traffic.

My Secret Shame

A lot of things are different this time around. I'm calm and confident (with the baby, anyway). "Rest" is a relative concept - what I'm doing now would have been considered "extremely active" when I had Ironflower. I no longer have to lift the baby up much to nurse. Ironflower (and Lovebug) show lots of interest in the baby this time. I have tons of stretchy yoga pants to wear - no stress about fitting into "normal" pants.

But I STILL find myself watching Bringing Home Baby. And I am ashamed.

First of all, it's a reality show. I always feel shame when I watch reality shows. But at least most of the other ones I watch have scandalous and/or interesting aspects that explain WHY I would watch them. There's no scandal on Bringing Home Baby. Hell, it's not even interesting. I'm not learning anything - I've brought three babies home from the hospital.

Secondly, it involves watching people I don't know get used to living without sleep while gushing about their newborns. Why should I care? I already know how to live without sleep. And I already know how fantastic my newborn (not to mention my older children) is.

Third, why the hell did these people invite a television show into their homes for this? Are they getting paid (I hope)? Because, second only to the last few weeks of my pregnancy, now is not the time I'd like to appear on television. Call me vain, but puffy and exhausted is not how I'd like to present myself to the world. On top of which, the newborn days are not so exciting that they need to be filmed for thirty-six hours straight. And I've yet to see one family that's actually interesting or funny or dramatic on the show (not that I blame them).

I can still blame hormones for my odd behavior, right?

Please tell me about the lame shows you watch or have watched in the throes of new parenthood.

Help Me, Internets

I think I've got about five or six weeks until I have to figure this out, but I'm the kind of person who likes to have the big questions settled ahead of time. And this IS a big question. If my older two are anything to go by, New Baby will protest loudly when I try to read while nursing (I'm sorry, I know there are some women out there who are happy to gaze at their baby during the hours of nursing, but I'm not one of them. After the first few days, I'm pretty ready for distraction). That means that my hours of TV watching will be increasing this fall - as if they weren't extensive enough already.

Anyway, I'm going to have some new shows to my repertoire. My question is, should one of those shows be the new version of 90210?

The CW is resurrecting the old show, and promises that Kelly and BRENDA (also Nat, but I never really cared about Nat) will be on the show. I mean, Kelly and Brenda!

Before you make too much fun, please realize that when the show originally aired I was in college. And back then, we didn't have cable in our dorms. No one in the liberal arts had even heard of the internet. Most people didn't have VCRs or Nintendos in their rooms.  We had seven TV channels for entertainment. And for whatever reason, 90210 was considered great entertainment.

EVERYONE was watching it. I started watching it in the company of all the upperclassmen in my dorm. Several of whom were BU hockey players - gorgeous future Olympians who loved to make fun of Dylan. A year or so later I dated a guy from an Ivy League school - and their campus didn't have a Fox affiliate. His frat got together every few weeks to watch the taped episodes of 90210 that someone's mom sent. That's how popular the show was.

Those of you who remember the later years, well, ick. I know things got bad. I stopped watching sometime when all the characters were in college. But those first few years were so compelling. So, do you all think I should set up the DVR for the new version or not?

I know it probably won't seem (or be) as good. I know that Hot Guy will make fun of me mercilessly. But I'll feel a lot better if I know I'm not the only mom in her late (grrr) thirties watching it. So, are any of you going to do it?

Memo to Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn

Some REAL challenges for contestants on Bravo's reality shows.

Project Runway:

1. Design a stylish wardrobe - that encompasses the whole nine months - for a pregnant woman on a budget of less than $200.

2. Create a bathing suit that looks great on someone who wears a size 14.

3. Design a nursing top that looks good, actually works and lasts. . . for $20.

4. Make a cocktail dress - that doesn't resemble a muumuu - for women sized 8 - 18.

5. Create a comfortable version of Spanx.

Top Chef

1. Create a week's worth of dinners, that can be frozen and thawed throughout the week, and are tasty and nutritious, for $100.

2. Make a healthy Cheeto.

3. Cook a lunch for three picky preschoolers that includes all the food groups and can be made in ten minutes or less.

4. Create a tasty meal from foods found in a typical parent's minivan.

Shear Genius

1. Develop a cut that looks good with a pregnant woman's newly thick and straighter hair that will still work after she has the baby and all her hair falls out.

2. Cut a toddler's hair evenly while the toddler throws a tantrum.

3. Develop a cut that looks good after being slept on.

4. Teach a harried mom to trim her own hair so that it looks good.

Top Design

1. Design a neat, functional play room for less than $200. Actually, design any room for $200.

2. Create a bed that is comfortable for women who are nine months pregnant and is functional for nursing mothers.

3. Make my house stylish - without spending any money.

4. Develop a toy storage line that is practical, affordable and not made of plastic.

Anyone got any ideas for other challenges that Bravo should be using?

Yet Another Reason I Should Never Watch "WE"

In case you are fortunate enough to not be addicted to basic cable, "WE" is the "Women's Entertainment" channel. A large part of me is offended by the crap that is broadcast on 'television for women' - Lifetime women in peril movies and WE series like Bridezillas. Not that I haven't watched that crap, of course.

But last night when I was watching "WE" I had the worst experience yet. I was watching a new show called 'Party Mamas', which basically shows women who go to EXTREME lengths to host the perfect parties for their children. The episode I saw was about this woman planning her son's bar mitzvah. I was expecting the excessive costs involved. I was expecting the parents to be a little psycho in the planning. I wasn't surprised that the boy was having urban dance lessons so he could perform at the bar mitzvah.

What horrified me was the mother's reaction to the boy's dance skills. Instead of being proud of her talented son, she was dismayed to discover that SHE might not be the center of attention (Guess every bar and bat mitzvah I've attended had it wrong, since they all seemed to be about celebrating THE CHILD). So this mother took dance and singing lessons so that she could upstage her son. She kept going on and on about how she had to be the center of attention. When the son's dance routine went well, she was worried that SHE wasn't the best performer there.

Didn't this woman get the mommy memo? The one you get when you bring your baby home and suddenly it takes people an hour to notice that you are the one holding the baby? When you become a mom, your time at center stage is over. You can look fabulous, you can run a company, you can write a book but YOU can't be more important than your children. Why do you think celebrity babies are such a big deal? Even the paparazzi considers getting shots of them more important than getting photos of their famous parents.

And to think "WE" gave this woman a forum to share her bordering-on-psychopathology level of narcissism. I'm not watching that channel any more. No matter how many polygamists they interview on 'Secret Lives of Women.'

I Love Noggin

Hubby thinks I let the children watch too much TV. I'm sure he's probably right. In an ideal world, my children would maybe watch one show every few days. But in case you haven't noticed, my world isn't ideal. We're still slogging our way through this nasty virus, it's freaking cold and the playgrounds are covered with snow, the mall and indoor play areas are insane and darn it, I LIKE Noggin.

But Hubby was home with us yesterday and decided that there would be no TV. Ironflower whined briefly, but soon she and Lovebug were busy. But not with their toys. No, they were busy bothering each other. ALL DARN DAY.

We normally have a few incidences of sibling issues a day. Usually they are over almost as soon as they've begun. But not yesterday. They kept going and going. They didn't really stop until Ironflower shoved Lovebug down the stairs and Hubby freaked out. To be fair, I don't think Ironflower understood why shoving him on the stairs would be any different than shoving him on the floor, but obviously we still have some work to do on "no shoving".

After that frightening fiasco, they got along better. But they were suddenly incapable of playing independently for even a minute. Even with both of us home, nothing could get done because both kids demanded that much attention.

Maybe yesterday was destined to be a bad day anyway. I don't know.

What I do know is that Noggin is on right now. And we've had no fights this morning. I've had enough stolen minutes to compose this. Everyone is happy. And isn't that what it's all about?

*****For all of you Wordless Wednesday participants and other fantastic photographers, I've just heard about the PhotographyCorner.com 2007 Photograph of the Year contest and I think you all should enter. There are tons of awesome prizes, including Visa gift cards, Photoshop Trio, camera bags and Pro accounts at SmugMug.

The Television Gods Frowned

I stay up too late. There's something that makes me feel so cozy and happy when I watch TV all curled up in my comforter. Unfortunately I don't get around to starting my TV sessions until at least eleven, so I rarely go to sleep before midnight. Okay, one.

Anyhow, our DVR is in the living room, so my late night sessions are not about catching up on Friday Night Lights, Ugly Betty or even The Daily Show. I also can't watch Law and Order reruns or anything with a plot that might keep me up later than usual. My favorite late nights are when I can flip between Countdown with Keith Olberman (liberal politics on MSNBC) and The Girls Next Door (Hugh Hefner's girlfriends on E!). I don't know how many people watch both shows, but I recommend them to everyone.

Last night, however, neither show was on. Nor was Deadliest Catch, Anthony Bourdain, Moving Up, The Real Deal or Secret Lives of Women. But as I was desperately flipping I caught the opening credits of Style By Jury and I paused. The show focused on a mom in her mid-thirties who looked exactly like Courtney Love after a mid-nineties heroin binge, except sluttier. After hearing nasty comments strangers made about her appearance (the Jury) she agreed to a makeover, including one session with a therapist, wardrobe, hair, makeup and cosmetic dentistry. Then new strangers made positive comments about her new look.

The way everyone behaved on the show made me think of Spanish telenovelas. Which would be fine, except that this show purports to be filled with real people, not badly written stock characters. And the woman I saw needed more than a makeover, she needed many sessions of therapy. Courtney Love doesn't even look like Courtney Love anymore. I'm all for people updating their looks (in fact, I REALLY want to be nominated for What Not To Wear, hint, hint) but the looks on this show were so far beyond bad fashion sense I couldn't believe they were real. On the next show (which I didn't watch the end of), an adult woman cheerfully entered the studio wearing two ponytails and a matching red plaid vest/shorts set. She blamed it on being from Mississippi, but I've been to MS and I didn't see anything that bad. Not even at Wal-Mart at midnight. So either this show is a fake or Canadians (it's filmed in Toronto) don't recognize cries for help when they see them.

So now I am depressed. My cozy late night television viewing has been mocked by the programmers that be. It's a good thing I also found The Big Gay Sketch Show.

Oh My Goddess, I'm A Prude!

The last time I was accused of being a prude was 1986. And it was entirely accurate, as I held on to much of my innocence well into adolescence. As I blossomed into an enlightened feminist, however, I stopped blushing when people talked about sex. I saw some porn movies. I read some erotica. I wore shirts that (sometimes, anyway) showed cleavage. I bought a vibrator. I would bring up things I had seen on Real Sex with acquaintances.

And while I can freely admit that I am no longer cool, I still thought I was a long way from being a prude. But apparently, I was wrong.

I watched Women Seeking . . . on VH1 the other night. It started at 10pm - that doesn't qualify as "late night" on the east coast, does it? And yet there it was - a show devoted to women looking to have lesbian experiences while their husbands looked on (or participated, that part wasn't clear) on Regular Cable.

I have no problem with people being bisexual. I have no problem with couples that want to try threesomes. As far as I'm concerned, sex between consenting adults is none of my business. And consenting adults should be free to talk about their preferences - on their adult blogs, in Cosmo and Penthouse and on premium cable.

If I go near Skinemax after 9pm, I know what I'm going to see. If I watch Real Sex on HBO, I know what to expect. But I do not want to hear about the joys of threesomes when I'm looking for Behind the Music, darn it. I'm all for publicity hungry people sharing their lifestyle choices with anyone who has a camera and a business card that says "documentary producer", but does it have to be on every channel?

Is the Food Channel going to start showing those freaky food fetish people now? Will Behind the Music start living up to its dirty connotations? Will E! start showing fading stars' sex tapes? I shudder to think of what this means for the Golf Channel.

And if that makes me a prude, well, bring on the sensible shoes!








television
sexuality

A Letter for Don Imus

Dear Mr.Imus,
So sorry to hear about your two week suspension and the loss of your MSNBC gig. I remember listening to you on AM radio, back in the early eighties. The world has changed so much since then, hasn't it? I mean, back when I was a ten year old girl unsure of why your show bothered me, there were no cell phones, no internet and no coverage of female athletes. Title IX wasn't even ten years old yet, was it?Everyone has been picking on you for that foolish attempt to be funny yet controversial, that phrase "nappy-headed ho's". Al Sharpton hates you. Jesse Jackson protests you. Even Barack Obama wants you fired. They all think you're racist. But I don't think it's just that. I'm pretty sure that any bunch of tough, tattooed female athletes would have brought your wrath. It's not just that these women are black, it's that they could kick your ass. They weren't as "cute" (ie non-threatening) as the Tennessee women, were they?I think it's interesting that you are being denigrated for your racism but no one has talked about why you were discussing the looks of female athletes in the first place. Do you talk about how SuperBowl Champions look? Have I missed your witty comments about Alex Rodriguez? Which men's basketball team is better looking - Ohio or Florida? Or is it only female athletes' looks that matter to you?Well Mr.Imus, thank you for showing me that not that much has changed since the early eighties. Apparently, what a woman looks like is still more important than her abilities. And that's okay with everyone - as long as comments about her looks do not include any racial terms.Good luck in your future endeavors. Maybe the Miss America pageant needs a judge.

                                                                                                              Sincerely,
                                                                                                          TripleZmom