You Are Not A Cat

I saw the worst commercial tonight. Let me set the scene:

Saturday evening. I'm folding laundry while watching a Law and Order: SVU marathon. I'm wondering how many other soccer moms are watching SVU and folding laundry.

And then it happens. I notice that the commercial is talking to CAT PARENTS. "As a cat parent, you want the best for your cat. . . "

There is something about how there's wheat gluten in some brands of cat food. And chicken meal. And corn syrup. I realize that I've basically seen this commercial before, except it was for organic baby food.

For human babies, I mean.

Because cat parents are fucking cats and they don't watch Law and Order: SVU marathons.

Look, I grew up with cats. I've had cats. I like cats. Usually.

My parents spoil their current cats rotten. Like sometimes you will remove human food from their fridge and then be told not to eat it because they actually bought it for the cats. That's the level of devotion we're talking. And yet they don't call themselves CAT PARENTS.

Or even parents of cats, which would be slightly more correct.

Look, I have no problem with organic/healthy/whatever pet food. As long as you also buy organic for yourself and any human offspring you may have, of course.  I can even handle the place in my neighborhood that makes decorated cookies for pets. You can even get them personalized with your pet's name, because apparently if you love your cat enough, it learns to read. Or something.

When I was a single 30 year old woman with cats I did answer the question, "Do you have any kids?" with "Just my cats." But I smiled to let people know that I was joking. Because even though I didn't have any kids, I knew that being able to leave my cats alone all day meant I wasn't exactly parenting them. I knew that my cats, when ill, would hide until they felt better - unlike children. Or husbands. I knew that my cats did not care whether I bought them Christmas presents or just tossed some balled up paper on the floor - unlike children. I knew that I legally owned my cats - unlike children. I knew that I could force my cats to live with me until one of us died - unlike children (excluding those from very dysfunctional families). I knew that I would never have to teach my cats to write their names, dress themselves, read or any of the other approximately million things that parents have to teach little humans.

If you want to say that your pets are like your children, that's fine. If you want to say, "I could only mother cats", go right ahead. But you're not a "cat parent", okay? You're not a cat. And taking care of an animal, even if you are the most devoted pet owner in the world, is not the same as parenting.

Oh, and did I mention that the commercial showed only single women with their cats? No families, no men, no couples. Just single women calling themselves cat parents. Seriously. It was like a Saturday Night Live parody.

(It was for some product called, "Blue". Don't buy it.)