Not Exactly Advice

Okay, so I don't usually give parenting advice on the blog. Unless it's for celebrities. Because clearly, most of them need my help. (Quick tip for Snooki: Don't spray tan your child until he asks for it. And enjoy those baby years, they fly by so fast!) I'm not going to feel qualified to give a lot of parenting advice until my children are all happy, well-adjusted, successful adults. If you're of the same opinion, don't think of it as advice. Think of it as a cautionary tale.

Ironflower's best friend is J. Ironflower and J have been buddies since they met in dance class as 4 year olds. J's mom manages a lovely house, 5 kids and does stuff like take classes at the local college and compete in mixed martial arts. She is way cooler than I am, obviously. But I always consoled myself that she was able to do so many things because she had this wonderful babysitter to help with the kids.

A wonderful babysitter, vetted by an agency, who'd been with the family for years and really seemed to care about the kids. Hell, she seemed to care about my kids too. She even offered to babysit for my kids when she wasn't working for J's family and I had plans to take her up on it for a night out or three.

Except she appears to have disappeared. With cash and J's mom's jewelry. Oh, and even the kids' Nintendo DSes. She stole from the kids she spent the last 3 years caring for.

And the kicker? She did it to her previous employers too. The nanny agency didn't really do a background check on her at all.

At least she didn't hurt the kids. . .except by this total betrayal. J's mom did everything right and this still happened. It totally sucks.

When I was a nanny during college, I worked for a family whose previous nanny had abused one of the kids. They hired me because I was a close friend of a close friend who liked the kids, because after that experience with the nanny agency hire, they didn't trust an agency again.

Since then, I've heard other stories about bad babysitters. Or I've seen them at the park, completely ignoring the kids. (To be fair, though, I've seen parents doing that too.) My kids have been mostly babysat by their grandparents, though we did have some good friends watch Ironflower when she was a baby. Having a regular nanny or babysitter has never been a financial option for us, but even if it was, I'm not sure I could do it now.

Look, I know there are great nannies and babysitters out there. I've seen them at their charges' birthday parties and soccer games. I was one, I like to think. But if you can't even trust a nanny agency to find you one that's not a criminal. . .

Be careful, folks.

(Especially you, Snooki.)

You're Fired!

Picture this: You come home to find your children's lunch congealed on the dining room table. Their toys, along with a few paper towels, are strewn across the play room and living room. The person who has spent the afternoon with your children complains loudly about his/her exhaustion and the children's bad behavior. Would you ever hire this babysitter again?

No, of course not. But if the person is the child's parent, then days like this happen sometimes. Right? You'd get over it, maybe even help clean up the various messes. You'd commiserate over temper tantrums and the exclamations of, "NO! I DO IT MYSELF!"

Yet, when I mentioned to several people last weekend that Hot Guy was with the children, they cried, "It's so great that he baby-sits!"

Excuse me folks, but he's their FATHER. I don't pay him to watch our children. He doesn't pay me to watch them (although maybe we should take all those corporate tax breaks and instead use the money to pay parents to take care of their children. . .I wonder how much I'd make a week?), either. We're the PARENTS.

That's why it's okay when one of us slacks off on that whole cleaning up after them thing. Or when we (okay, usually me) let them watch three shows so that we can clean the kitchen, sort the laundry and write a blog. I didn't slack like that when I was a baby-sitter because I was trying to do a good JOB. But parenting is way more than a job. It has to be, otherwise there'd be pay, health insurance and a 401k. And vacations. And lunch breaks. And the opportunity to wear cute shoes.