I Don't Want To Be That Mom

This blog is basically a testimony to all the times I turned into that mom I swore I'd never be.

Like when I got emotionally invested in rec soccer games.

Or had all that anxiety about incidents my kids don't even remember.

But I still never thought I'd turn into Amy Poehler in Mean Girls.



Not the boob job. Or the little dog. Or the needing to hang with teens to feel young. Thank God.

But I have asked my middle schoolers for gossip on more than one occasion. And I wasn't trying to (awkwardly) connect with them or to feel young or because I was worried about them.

It was just because I was curious.

Last week I actually used the word, "deets." Which isn't really a word, although the Oxford Living Dictionary does recognize it. Sure, I could blame the usage on the fact that Mean Girls has been on TV a lot lately.

But the bigger issue is that I wanted details on something that actually had nothing to do with my kids and was just, you know, school gossip.

Like Mrs. George in Mean Girls. Is the next step the pink velour track suit? Because. . . .no.

Clearly I need another hobby. Or at least a new book series to read. Any suggestions?

Today I Like the F Word

People bug me. I know, I know. That's a shocker, huh? I know I always seem like such sweetness and light. But, believe it or not, I spend a lot of time marveling and how stupid and/or annoying people are. Once, to honor my friend Nita, a woman who really was sweetness and light and who died way too soon, I tried to have only nice thoughts about people. I tried to be positive and kind in thought and deed.

I lasted a day.

So now I try to avoid being a completely selfish cow, or losing it in front of my children. It's important to have attainable goals.

Anyway, I don't think it's totally selfish or harming my children when I say. . ..

Jon Gosselin, why don't you run off with Miss California so that we don't have to deal with any of you anymore?

Miss California: I don't really care about your feelings on gay marriage. As far as I'm concerned, those with a religious objection to gay marriage should make sure that their personal religious institutions do not permit such ceremonies and shut the hell up about what the government permits. If the objection is religious, keep it to your religion. Oh, and I think anyone who poses half naked and has fake boobs shouldn't be bragging about what a great Christian she is.

Jon and Kate: I'm not above exploiting my family either. I mean, I enjoy the free stuff I get for this blog. Sure, your exploitation has gotten you book deals and a new house and fabulous trips, but whatever. I'm not a jealous person. But of course, you couldn't just enjoy your money, could you? You had to start acting like real fucking celebrities. Which you are not, by the way. Hell, your reality show isn't even competitive! But now Kate's on the cover - the COVER - of People magazine, Jon's scamming ingenue types and the whole mess is being played out in the tabloids. To which I say, I have now lost all respect for you , your show and your parenting skills. Grow the hell up.

Retarded College Students: It's true, President Obama doesn't deserve an honorary degree from ASU, since I'm pretty sure their idea of accomplishment has to do with keg stands. I can't believe those whiners don't want to give the FUCKING PRESIDENT a damn degree.

Fox News: And speaking of college students, why the hell is Fox News acting like the protests at Notre Dame are a HUGE news story? I don't care if the anti-choicers are protesting the pro-choice President. I know plenty of college students protested when Bush spoke at commencements (not that Fox News reported this). I don't even mind it being a news item. But at the top of their home page? Is that really necessary?

Question: Am I the only person who barely remembers who her college commencement speaker was? And wouldn't have bothered protesting at the time (even though I protested other things), because it's just not that important? I mean, this generation is fucking whiny, right?