Warning: Adult Topics

Before I discuss today's horror from reality television, I want to point out that I did many other things - some even intellectually stimulating - yesterday before I watched My Fair Brady. I read news magazines (including The Week - it sums up what all the major papers are saying about all the major news stories - it's great) and books, I wrote a blog, I played with my children, I saw a great movie (Juno - more about that later).

So please remember all of the above when I admit that the only reason I watched My Fair Brady was because it came on between Scott Baio Is 46 And Pregnant and Rock of Love 2 (I was REALLY watching the Screen Actors Guild Awards replay, but I can't stand commercials and filler). So anyway, My Fair Brady is about Chris Knight, aka Peter Brady, and the bride half his age that he met doing The Surreal Life. I am not making this up. The show was all about her attempts to give her hubby a happy birthday. As a gift, she does a "tasteful" nude photo shoot. Fine. Maybe if I had a body like hers Hubby would get nude photos too. (Probably not, but never say never) But Mrs.Brady also invited one of her female friends into the nude photo shoot. And gave an album of wife-on-friend naked action to Peter. ..er, Chris.

Leaving aside the idea of posing naked with one of my friends (which I could probably do for a lot of money or to cure cancer or something), I'm pretty sure I don't want Hubby looking at nude photos of any of my friends. Am I being terribly conservative here? The wife says he can use it to masturbate. Does anyone else think that one's husband masturbating to naked pictures of one of your friends is a bad idea?

I've always prided myself on not being the jealous type. I've never cared whether Hubby looked at porn or said this or that movie star was hot. But apparently I am not so cool because the day I give Hubby naked pictures of one of my friends is the day I REALLY sell my children to the gypsies. It will never happen.

So, what do you think?

I think I'm not going to watch My Fair Brady anymore.

Merry Christmas, Auntie Frankie and other things

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day, whether it's filled with family and presents or Chinese food and movies. Or some combo thereof.

We are with my father-in-law's side of the family. I am watching Aunt Frankie for signs that she hates my children, simply because they are younger (and, okay, really, cuter) than her grandchildren and last year it pissed her off when everyone fussed over them. I used to like Aunt Frankie until I found out about the jealousy issues and this will be our first holiday together since I found out. I'm not supposed to know about her issues, so I'll have to maintain the WASP front and be nice.

But if either one of my children is upset by her (or her over-active grandsons) in any way, I'm so going Jersey on them.

(This is one of those times that I'm glad no one in my husband's family reads my blog.)
Labels: Aunt Frankie, Christmas, jealousy

I'm So Proud I Didn't Name Any Names

I'm not a jealous person. I don't get bothered when Hot Guy's ex-girlfriends find him on MySpace. I don't get mad when I see mothers who have two mellow children. I don't get upset when I hear about the great vacations my financially solvent friends go on. I even only get a momentary pang of bitterness when I see women who have five kids and wear a size four.

So when I say that if one more bitch I went to high school with writes a book, then more than my eyes will be green - that's out of character. While I am catty and gossip-y, I generally don't begrudge other people their happiness or success. I enjoy the success of other writers and bloggers, for the most part. Unless I went to high school with you. A few years ago, a woman I went to elementary, junior high and high school with published her second book. I had kept track of her career, even though we were never friends (not only was she a year older than I am, she was shy and quiet and studious and I, um, was not). I cheered her on as she wrote for Self and Glamour. I bought her book of essays.

Then she came out with her novel and I began to hate her. In her novel, a young woman from a town just like ours moves to the mid-west. Much learning and growing ensues, but her treatment of mid-westerners remains insulting and stereotypical. Not only had she written MY story, she had written it badly. I slammed the book to everyone I met and wrote an impassioned blog against it on Blogit.

This woman lives in LA now. The Week used one of her LA Times Op-eds. And I still hate her. But apparently my dislike of her has turned me into a jealous cow, because now I get annoyed any time I hear about anyone I went to school with publishing a book. Or an article. Or a dissertation. Or having a more popular blog. Or. . .well, I'm sure you get the idea. Last night I saw a mystery published by a woman with the name of another girl I went to school with. Before realizing that it is a fairly common name and not necessarily that girl who always did and said everything perfectly , I got ticked off enough to begin searching for bad reviews.

After reading a few I realized it wasn't her and I felt like a total a**hole for SO many reasons. So now I have promised myself to think only positive thoughts about people I went to high school with - no matter how they've turned out. Except LA Times girl, whose novel was a TOTAL insult to every mid-westerner I've ever known. But I pledge a non-jealousy contract to everyone else. Really.