I'm Failing at Being Non-Judgmental

So I read this post about sharing.

I refrained from commenting on it, because I think it's rude to leave comments like, "You're raising your kid to be an asshole." But, um, obviously, I have a problem with this lady's parenting in this instance.

To recap for those of you too lazy to click the link (and those of you too tired to remember what it said); this mom never forces her kid to share - whether it's his toy or a communal toy. She thinks that always giving in to what another kid wants makes the other kid selfish and spoiled. But not hers.

Did I mention that she has one kid, who's still in preschool? I mean, she never has to worry about sharing when she's also trying to cook dinner or answer email or whatever.

I have never had a specific policy on sharing. My general policy on parenting is, "Don't raise assholes." Like, if my kid brings his own toy to the park, no, he doesn't have to share it. Especially with some random kid who wants it. I think it's asshole-ish to demand things that belong to total strangers, so if my kids want something someone else has, too bad.

The inner tube gets shared a lot at the pool. But only with friends, ever since the day we lent a kickboard to seemingly nice kid we'd just met and it never came back. 

However.

When the toys are community property, I make my kids share. The mom in the original post shares how her son loves to ride this one toy at the rec center, so he'll often stay on it for the entire hour and a half play time - even if other kids want it. I think that's asshole behavior. It's not his toy, it belongs to all the kids there. So they should all get a turn. Period. Her son's needs don't get to supersede everyone eles's just because he got to the toy first.

I wonder about these people.

I wonder if they're the people who linger over coffee at restaurants while people are waiting for the table. I wonder if they're the people who take up two parking spots because there were two available when they got to the mall stupid early. I wonder if they're the people who take the cool (supposedly communal) sand toys home from the community sand box just because their kids like them. I wonder if they're the people who go under the speed limit in the left passing lane. I wonder if they're the people who don't pull all the way up in the car pool lane, so that everyone else has to wait while their kid walks ten fewer feet to the school door. I wonder if they're the people who think being first means they are more important than everyone else.

I'm not saying they are, of course. I'm not saying that this kid will be. I'm not judging. . .exactly. I'm just. . .questioning. Yeah, that's it. I'm questioning.

How do you all handle sharing?

Ticked Off Tuesday*

So Elizabeth Banks said having two kids makes her feel like a real mom. You could just hear the whole internet going. . . .

Did that bitch just insult my choices? Is she implying I'm not a REAL MOM? Kill her!

Or something like that. I only read the article and skimmed the comments.

I think the "Kill her!" part was merely implied. By hundreds of people who were very upset that Ms. Banks seems to think that having only one child doesn't make you a real mom. Technically, I should be upset on behalf of my mother, who, despite having only one child, was definitely a real mother. Except that I don't think my mother would waste her time being bothered by this statement. She knows she was a real mother - ask her about all the times she had to take me to the pediatrician in an average year.

Totally real mother of one in this picture. Just look at those roots. 

It ticks me off that people are so insecure about motherhood that they can get insulted over anything.

I didn't FEEL like a real mother until Lovebug was two years old and I handled a supermarket meltdown calmly. I had been a real mother for more than 3 years at that point - nursing, getting up in the middle of the night, changing diapers, getting thrown up on - but it wasn't until then that I felt like one.

This is not to say that if I'd had only one child, I never would have felt like a real mother. I'm sure Ironflower would have provided me a moment to feel like a "real mother" eventually. My point is that when we ARE real mothers and when we FEEL like them are two different things. If it took Elizabeth Banks two kids and time without a nanny to feel it, why does it matter to the rest of us?






*I know that I rant a lot. I have decided to accept it instead of letting it boil up until it explodes with like ten rants in the space of a week. So welcome to my new weekly feature, "Ticked Off Tuesday." Feel free to put your own rant in the comments. I may have tried this before. I can't remember, so I'm assuming you can't either.