I'm Failing at Being Non-Judgmental

So I read this post about sharing.

I refrained from commenting on it, because I think it's rude to leave comments like, "You're raising your kid to be an asshole." But, um, obviously, I have a problem with this lady's parenting in this instance.

To recap for those of you too lazy to click the link (and those of you too tired to remember what it said); this mom never forces her kid to share - whether it's his toy or a communal toy. She thinks that always giving in to what another kid wants makes the other kid selfish and spoiled. But not hers.

Did I mention that she has one kid, who's still in preschool? I mean, she never has to worry about sharing when she's also trying to cook dinner or answer email or whatever.

I have never had a specific policy on sharing. My general policy on parenting is, "Don't raise assholes." Like, if my kid brings his own toy to the park, no, he doesn't have to share it. Especially with some random kid who wants it. I think it's asshole-ish to demand things that belong to total strangers, so if my kids want something someone else has, too bad.

The inner tube gets shared a lot at the pool. But only with friends, ever since the day we lent a kickboard to seemingly nice kid we'd just met and it never came back. 

However.

When the toys are community property, I make my kids share. The mom in the original post shares how her son loves to ride this one toy at the rec center, so he'll often stay on it for the entire hour and a half play time - even if other kids want it. I think that's asshole behavior. It's not his toy, it belongs to all the kids there. So they should all get a turn. Period. Her son's needs don't get to supersede everyone eles's just because he got to the toy first.

I wonder about these people.

I wonder if they're the people who linger over coffee at restaurants while people are waiting for the table. I wonder if they're the people who take up two parking spots because there were two available when they got to the mall stupid early. I wonder if they're the people who take the cool (supposedly communal) sand toys home from the community sand box just because their kids like them. I wonder if they're the people who go under the speed limit in the left passing lane. I wonder if they're the people who don't pull all the way up in the car pool lane, so that everyone else has to wait while their kid walks ten fewer feet to the school door. I wonder if they're the people who think being first means they are more important than everyone else.

I'm not saying they are, of course. I'm not saying that this kid will be. I'm not judging. . .exactly. I'm just. . .questioning. Yeah, that's it. I'm questioning.

How do you all handle sharing?

Wordful Wednesday: Halloween

I realize it's November 14th. And while normally I would just skip over pictures that were two weeks after the actual holiday, I'm not going to this time. Our town just finally celebrated Halloween on the 11th. It was with a trunk-or-treat in the high school parking lot instead of the huge street party and all town trick-or-treating like we usually do, but at least our kids got some kind of Halloween.

Just let us get our candy, mom. 

Also, let me say something to the people leaving nasty comments on various pages that talked about trick-or-treating after the storm. I know that we're damn lucky that missing Halloween and days without power were the worst thing that happened to our kids. But to spew venom because we're hoping our kids get to have Halloween even though there are kids out there without homes, clothes and toys is so fucking stupid.

First of all, we weren't talking about it on a Hurricane victim or volunteer page. Second of all, there are always kids around us who don't have homes, clothes, toys, books or families. Always. There are always kids around us whose problems are so much bigger than Halloween.

And if you broaden your view beyond this country, you'll realize that kids in 2012 are still dying of starvation and curable diseases.

So, venom-spewer, did your kids celebrate Halloween last year? Even though there were all those children living in homeless shelters and domestic violence shelters within minutes of your home? And all the kids starving to death on the same planet?

Thought so.

I have an idea. Why don't you collect some stuff for the kids hurt by the hurricane? Or donate to Save the Children? I realize that's a little more difficult than typing insults, but think of how morally superior you can feel.

Parking Lot Asshole

Obviously I need to start avoiding parking lots.

I'm not plagued by high expectations for myself. I don't feel like I should be curing cancer or bringing about world peace or even writing a super-popular blog. My house, as we know, is messy. I am chubby and I do things like run errands (including school drop-offs) dressed in the clothes I wore at the gym. With no make-up on. I don't make my kids' Halloween costumes and my husband is the one who does crafts and cooks with them. And there's the screaming. Although I did review a bunch of stuff last night and read a good article in this month's Parenting and I will say that I have not even yelled today. So there's that.

But while I don't have high expectations for myself, I do try not to be an asshole.

I'm finding this more and more difficult as I have to deal with elementary school pick up. Everyone parks, but there are only about a tenth of the spots needed for parents to pick up their kids. So people put their cars wherever they feel they can squeeze them in, even if it makes it supremely difficult for other parents trying to pick up their kids.

Until today, I parked way down the lane and as out of the way as possible. Until today, I dragged my boys a city block each way to pick up their sister. Until today, I did not feel like an asshole at pick up.

But then Lovebug asked me if we could park closer. And I had an image of the impending downpour getting us as we walked the long distance back to the car. And there was a spot in front of me - well, not a spot, but a space behind 2 other cars that were parked near the school in what's supposed to be a drive only lane. There was a cone in the way, though.

So I got out and moved the cone. And parked.

Thanks to not having to walk forever, we were gone before the older kids' bell had even rung. While I made it more difficult for the other people driving down the lane, it's not like I blocked anyone completely. It's not like I was that woman yesterday at drop off who parked in the drop off/no stopping lane and had a 20 minute conversation with a friend. It's not like I ran over the cone.

Of course, the fact that I've even begun in asshole territory already kinda worries me. I mean, school's only been going on for a month. I wonder how corrupted I'll be by January?

The Chicken Or The Egg

While driving Ironflower to school this morning, a woman in a Lexus SUV cut me off while talking on her cell phone. It didn't help that she had a McCain/Palin sticker. And just as I was imagining things to yell at her while raising my hand to flip her off, it occurred to me that perhaps my children shouldn't see and hear Mommy going all super bitch. And then I realized that illegal cell phone talker/bad driver/uber-conservative/uncaring about her carbon footprint lady might possibly be packing heat. Or the name of an evil lawyer.

So I did nothing.

Except grumble.

I notice myself grumbling a lot lately. At the woman who stands in the middle of the grocery aisle on her cell phone, oblivious to all of the people trying unsuccessfully to pass her. At the dad on his cell phone, ignoring his overly aggressive son at the park. At the man striding through the fall festival, loudly talking on his cell phone. At people who text while having face to face conversations. At people who use text abbreviations while talking.

And I wonder, do cell phones make people assholes? Or do I just hate assholes who happen to have cell phones?

How To Be An Asshole

The Ultimate Principle of Assholedom: There is no one else in the world but you.

Specific Rules to Help You Attain The Asshole Lifestyle:

1. Do not leave any space between yourself and the vehicle in front of you. Ever.

2. If you are walking on a busy sidewalk or store aisle and need to stop, it is imperative that you stop in the middle. Maximize the effects of this rule by making sure you are with at least two other people.

3. Never, ever, watch your children in a public play area, pool, restaurant or store.

4. When you come across a vehicle waiting for another vehicle to pull out of a parking space, make sure you cut around them and steal the space. Bonus points for indicating to the waiting vehicle that you only want to go around them.

5. Vote based on skin color, name or gender only.

6. Encourage your children to use derogatory slang for people with different religions, skin colors or races.

7. Ask pregnant women if they're having triplets.

8. Cut in line.

9. Park in handicapped and/or parents with infants parking spaces if you are able-bodied and/or your children are teenagers.

10. Be an Oakland Raiders fan (Chiefs and Broncos fans, you know what I'm talking about.)

11. Drive a Hummer.

12. Complain that your nanny only works ten hour days.

13. Oppose sex education that includes information on how to prevent STDs and pregnancy.

14. Talk about yourself in the third person.

15. Never flush a public toilet.

16. Be Dick Cheney.

17. For men only: wear a Speedo.

18. Always drive at least ten miles above the speed limit - regardless of weather, residential streets or nearby playgrounds.

19. Talk in your normal voice during movies.

20. Get a barbed wire tattoo around your bicep.

Now tell me, what did I forget?