Valentine's Day Sucks

I've never been a fan of Valentine's Day.

As a child, I did not like my chocolate with "stuff" in it.

As an adolescent, I did not like never having a boyfriend on Valentine's Day and never getting one of those love carnations in homeroom.

As a college student, I did not like how every restaurant was crowded and over-priced, or how often I heard about how expensive roses are. And then there was the time I got the stomach flu on the way to a supposedly romantic getaway, so we spent the weekend at my parents' house instead.

And nothing was more awkward than dating during Valentine's Day season as a young adult. Or not dating, as I eventually decided to do.

In other words, I've almost always had sucky Valentine's Days.  And I can't help but think about all the people out there who are having sucky Valentine's Day each year. 

But I swear that's not the only reason I think V-Day sucks.

 I think it sucks because it's bullshit.

It's not that I object to gifts, going out to dinner or flowers as tokens of appreciation.

It's not that I automatically loathe all holidays - you should see me on Christmas.

But I hate the idea that romance is some performative bullshit that must involve flowers, jewelry and sappy cards given on a certain day of the year. Of course, I have weird ideas about what's romantic.

A friend of mine once dated a guy who got her tires rotated and all kinds of car maintenance done for on her birthday, just because he knew how much she hated dealing with all that stuff. I think that's way more romantic than giving her flowers and jewelry (especially if they look like the flowers and jewelry he gave to his last girlfriend on her birthday).

I'm a big fan of being specific in regards to romantic gestures. Which is basically the opposite of Valentine's Day.

I also think nurturing your relationship should happen on the regular, not on the one day that everyone else is doing it.

That's like being grateful for your blessings only on Thanksgiving. Definite recipe for unhappiness. 

I'm cool with Galentine's Day, though. Which was yesterday (coincidentally - or not coincidentally, right, universe? it's my grandma's birthday) but the thing about Galentine's Day is that you can celebrate it tomorrow, too. Or right now.

Friday I'm in Love: Happy Valentine's Day

Even though I hate Valentine's Day, it is "Friday I'm in love" day, which means my post is supposed to be positive. So I made you all some Valentines.


You have to imagine that they're not from me.

I Hate Valentine's Day

I did not hate Valentine's Day until they started selling carnations at school. Prior to homeroom humiliation, I can't recall any feelings about Valentine's Day, actually. Except that the Whitman's Samplers never lived up to my imagination.

Which should have been a clue about how Valentine's Day was going to work out for me.

I can't remember when exactly the carnation thing started - 7th grade? 10th grade? I've blocked it out. What do remember is that I never, ever, ever, ever, got a red (love) carnation. One year I did get a pink (secret admirer) carnation.

From a friend.

Sort of like when Mrs. Patmore gave  Daisy that Valentine on Downton Abbey and Daisy thought it was from her crush Alfred. I was so excited until I found out who it was from. I know that I should have been pleased that I got white (friendship) carnations at least, but no one talks about friendship on Valentine's Day.

In college I finally got the red flowers, but there were many complaints about how expensive they were. Then there was the attempted weekend getaway, except I got a massive stomach virus and we wound up staying at my parents' house instead. Probably the best one was the time my then-boyfriend was away and I hung out with a friend and watched movies.

Which should have been a clue about how I should celebrate Valentine's Day. Or not celebrate it. But I kept trying.

• There was the year my ex wore my favorite underwear, without my permission, to "spice things up". Underwear was totally ruined, like my libido. FAIL.
• There was the year I hung out with my parents. My parents are great and all, but quality family time is for Christmas, not Valentine's Day. FAIL.
• There was the year I went to a singles dance. Even though I was with friends, there's no way that can be anything but a FAIL. 
• There was the year another ex took me out despite the fact that he was coming down with pneumonia. Pneumonia is definitely the worst gift I ever got. FAIL.
• There was the year I got food poisoning. FAIL.
• There was the year I sat through the most boring date ever, just so I wouldn't be alone on Valentine's Day. FAIL. 

And then I met Hot Guy. And on our first Valentine's Day, he had a 12 hour rehearsal, so we didn't really celebrate it. I think we went out to dinner a couple of nights before, but we did a lot of that anyway. He had roses sent to my job, but that was more about competition with my co-workers than romance. But it was the greatest Valentine's Day I could remember; relaxing, no disappointments or illnesses. I think I ate popcorn for dinner while I watched movies. 

I haven't celebrated Valentine's Day since. 

It's awesome.

I only wish I had figured it out sooner. 

For those of you concerned about my children, I do buy them Valentines for school and give them candy, I am not that much of a hater. But we'll be talking about the ridiculous expectations of this made-up holiday as soon as they hit puberty. 

True Romance

This is a repost, because I spent an hour trying to write a post about how I think Valentine's Day is ridiculous and I hated everything I wrote. So surprise! You get the story of how I started calling Hot Guy my boyfriend. Happy Valentine's Day. 

When Hot Guy and I first began dating, we were in denial. Neither one of us wanted a serious relationship and we were definitely not looking to fall in love. When someone would refer to him as my boyfriend, I would loudly protest that we were JUST DATING and that he was NOT my boyfriend.

In fact, I was relieved when he would be unable to attend my friend Mimi's wedding with me. I was a bridesmaid, knew 3/4 of the guest list and was looking forward to dancing with her young, hot co-workers. Hot Guy was attending a huge paintball tournament in Oklahoma that weekend. I went to the wedding and had a fantastic time.

In fact, I had such a fantastic time that when my friend Todd dropped his champagne glass, I quickly hopped up to find a server to clean it up. But after having had so much fantastic champagne myself, I forgot that I wasn't wearing any shoes. (I'd taken off my killer heels) I sliced my foot open on a piece of glass. But because I was having such a good time, I just wrapped it in a towel and kept dancing.

I noticed that it was still bleeding when I went home that night, but I just wrapped it in gauze and passed out went to sleep.

When I woke up with a killer headache the next morning, I noticed that it was still bleeding. And that I had trailed blood up my carpeted stairs. I decided to hit the ER. They cleaned out all the glass and stitched my foot up - while they were laughing at me. The doctor tried to lecture me about cut care, but he was laughing too hard.

Anyway, I went home and set myself up on the porch. I got myself a Diet Pepsi, a new ashtray (yeah, yeah, I know), a pile of books and propped my foot up. I couldn't face cleaning the trail of blood through my house. Hot Guy came over that night, after a long day of paintball and driving.

He got me food. He scrubbed the blood out of my carpet. He re-bandaged my foot.

And I stopped protesting when people called him my boyfriend.

My Evening With Jon Stewart

So yesterday I got to see the Daily Show.

I think it was my favorite Valentine's Day ever. 

I have a huge crush on Jon Stewart, so for Hot Guy to bring me to my crush on Valentine's Day? Awesome. Plus the weather was decent, which made standing in line for 2 hours a lot more pleasant. Just FYI, even if your husband's terrific friend gets the free tickets you still have to show up way early. Apparently they give out way more tickets than they have seats, just to make sure the audience is filled up. 

We were at the front of line 2, which is where you wind up when you get there 1 hour early. I don't know how early the people at the front of line 1 got there. But we got in eventually, after 2 hours of being in the line. And they have bathrooms you can use while you wait in line (which are in a cluttered basement - the whole place kinda feels like your typical black box theater, but with lots of TV cameras and lights). Anyway, you have go through a metal detector and have your purse searched to go in. Men have to just give up their bags when they go and get them again on their way out. So don't let your husband bring a murse when you go. 

The high security level surprised me. I guess they really are afraid that Fox News watchers and Tea Partiers will try to get revenge. 

So then you troop across the (surprisingly small) studio and sit in your seats. The upbeat music (Cee Lo's Fuck You, Lady Gaga's Born This Way) gets louder and louder and then the warm-up guy comes out. He doesn't do a spiel, he just interacts with the audience in very funny ways. Of course, it helps that one of the audience members is the understudy for Peter Parker in the new Spiderman musical disaster (If you watch the episode I linked to above, you can see Jon Stewart refer to the guy too, completely off the cuff). And another is a breast cancer survivor with a great attitude. Don't ask me to explain why the cancer thing was funny, but Paul Mecurio (the warm up guy) is very talented, that's all I can say. 

And then, after a Bruce Springsteen interlude, Jon Stewart came out. Can I tell you what it did to my Jersey Girl heart to hear Bruce while watching Jon walk out (Jon is also from NJ, in case you're not an obsessive stalker fan like I am)? Flutters. 

Jon takes questions from the audience, which are totally not plants because Hot Guy's friend actually asked one. Yet Jon was still funny and smart, so yes, he is as awesome as he seems on The Daily Show. I guess a lot of people agree with me, but all the security people kept stressing that we were not allowed to hug, kiss or otherwise invade his personal space.

Bummer.

So then the taping began. Instead of applause lights, you have to watch for the director to tell you to shut the hell up. The show runs like clockwork and Jon spends the time between each segment talking to various production type people. After they finish filming the section with the guest, he continues talking to him animatedly.

They only had to redo 2 things - one of which was adding in yet another Glenn Beck joke. I honestly wished they had more to do because I could have sat there for hours. Of course that might have been just because my feet were super sore from standing in line in high heeled boots.

I wonder if we can get tickets again for my birthday?

Partying in Stuck-Up

Ironflower needs to bring heart-shaped Jello jigglers to her class party tomorrow. Fortunately, Hubby is home and will be able to create them this evening. But still. This is one of the things "requested" by her teacher. In addition to red grapes, 100% juice in juice boxes, cookies and heart themed plates and napkins. Naturally, the other class mom is making the cookies herself.

Homemade party contributions are quite normal here in Stuck-up, both at preschools and elementary schools. Which makes me know I'm living in an alternative universe. When I did my student teaching in a nice but urban school in Portland, no one was allowed to bring in homemade treats. Ditto the nice Seattle suburb I taught in next. When I taught in Kansas City, Kansas (yes, it's a real city - just across the river from Kansas City, Missouri - and it's, um, VERY urban) no one even asked me if they could bring in homemade treats.

When I taught in KCK, I no more would have asked for a list of specific treats than I would have asked for people's ATM passwords. If they had bank accounts. I mean, I was just happy when families sent party treats in at all. Hell, I even bought the juice boxes.

I was struck again by the alternative universe thing when I saw a mom toting in Valentine treat bags yestereday. Not only will her son be passing out Valentines to the class, but all the kids will also get an adorable treat bag. Ironflower and I are even going to be hand making of all our Valentines. In KCK, I used to buy extra Valentine cards just to make sure that all kids got to hand some out.

Thinking about what will be going on at Ironflower's party tomorrow, where several moms will try to outdo each other in the adorable treat bag category and all of the made to order treats will be there in excess, makes me want to go back to my old school and hand each kid a fancy treat bag. Preferably treat bags from the already filled with treats kids at Ironflower's school. That doesn't make me a communist, does it?