Friday I'm In Love: Full of the Awesome

Video of awesomeness:

Photo of awesomeness:

Okay, I know it's not a great photo, but it's my kiddos eating at the ice cream place I went to growing up, with two of them having my fave flavor, Vanilla Fudge. 

Post of Awesomeness: So You're Having (Another) Baby

Fact of Awesomeness: My kids have really enjoyed being on the swim team this summer. I have been proud of their hard work and the way they rooted for their teammates. But for the love of all that is holy, I am so relieved that tomorrow is the last meet. 

Books of Awesomeness: Part historical fiction, part mystery, all awesome. The next one can't come out fast enough! 

                                              

Magazine of Awesomeness: Smithsonian magazine. I have no idea why I have never read this one before, but I'm so glad to have discovered it now. The last issue helped me understand theoretical physics and bomb sniffing dogs. So much better for the brain than understanding which celebrities are going to get divorced next. Er, to be honest, though, I still read those magazines too. I need a lot of distraction at the gym.

An Open Letter to the Ice Cream Man

Dear Mr. Ice Cream Man,

I saw you watching us today. I saw you put your salad down in anticipation of a sale as my son and I came walking out of the park. And I saw your jaw drop as we walked on by. I bet you assumed I was one of those crazy parents who want to ban ice cream trucks. Or that my kid was going to start freaking out at any second.

Yet, my kid never freaked out. When I told my Hugmonkey that it wouldn't be fair for us to get ice cream without his siblings there, he agreed. Plus, your music really gets on his nerves. He was just ready to get in the car and leave the park.

You don't need to stare at my family if we're not that interested in your crap. Here's the thing: I can buy all of your products at the supermarket. For a lot less money. My older kids understand that when we save money on groceries, it means more money to do fun things. So they're cool with waiting until they get home.

Personally, if I want ice cream, I'd rather go to a place that serves well-made ice cream than overpay for processed stuff. Have you ever been to Van Dyke's? THAT'S ice cream, dude. That's the other thing I want my kids to understand. Indulging sometimes is fun. . .but make sure it's worth it. Some of that crap you sell has a week's worth of sugar and it STILL doesn't taste that good.

I'm not out to ban you, though. I swear. Even when you showed up the other day after Lovebug's baseball game, when all of the kids were overdue for lunch and completely starving, I just rolled my eyes and shook my head at my kids. I was comforted by the fact that most of the other parents ignored you as well as they explained to the their kids that they needed to eat lunch first.

Dude, have you thought of modifying your business plan? Like maybe selling good ice-cream? Honestly, if you'd had some Van Dyke's vanilla fudge on you, I might have "forgotten" that we hadn't eaten lunch yet.

Or. . .call me crazy. . .what about selling something parents would want to give their kids? Organic fruit? Water? Pretzels? Trust me, it's not that kids are that into your products. It's the novelty of buying something from a truck.

Oh my god, I'm totally turning my minivan into an organic veggie snack truck. Thanks for the idea!

                                                                                                                  Sincerely,
                                                                                                                TripleZmom

P.S.
It makes me sad that you're so shocked by a well-behaved child.

Who Says the Art of Writing Letters is Dead?

Dear charity-seeking neighbor,

We have never met. In fact, I don't even have a nodding acquaintance with anyone in your section of the cul-de-sac. And yet you sent me this request for a donation to your favorite cause. I am not sure why this bothers me more than if your group had sent me a direct donation request, but it does. Am I suppose to think, "Gee, I'll give my charity dollars to THIS charity because the lady down the street supports it,"? Here's the thing; I don't know you. You could be a Tea Party member. Or a Klan member (same difference?). Living on my street doesn't tell me anything about your personality. As for your charity, I have only vaguely heard of it and your donation request offered no information. So, no, I won't be sending them any money. Ever.

Sincerely,

The loud woman from down the street

Dear leaf-blower addicts,

You are not making the world a better place. You are a leading contributor of noise and air pollution. You are wasting precious gas. And by tonight, all that crap you blew off the sidewalk will be right back where it started. Special note to the landscapers of my neighborhood: STOP using the LEAF-BLOWER around my patio, you are actually blowing dirt onto it. Also, stop moving my chairs.

Seriously,

The messy lady on the end

Dear old people who coo at my son

Thank you for smiling instead of wincing when he starts screaming. Thank you for engaging him when I run out of energy. I bet none of you own leaf-blowers. In short, I love you.

Thanks,

The tired lady with the screaming toddler

Dear Ben & Jerry's,

Stop putting crack in your ice cream. I know it's in there, because ever since I had "Chocolate Therapy" the other night, I can't stop craving it. Just once and I am totally hooked. . .just like all those people on Intervention and Addiction. My husband swears that you are good guys and would never do something so dangerous. He says it's MY problem. So could you please announce that you're taking the crack out? Then I can prove that I'm right and stop the cravings.

Thanks,

The lady who is running out of elastic-waist pants

Dear NBC,

First you wouldn't spend the money to advertise how awesome Friday Night Lights is. Then you put Jay Leno on all the time, when Jay is just not that funny to people under 70. Then you screw Conan O'Brien, who is not only funny but classier than you'll ever be. If you fuck with Mercy, 30 Rock or Community, you're dead to me.

Sincerely,

The lady who watches way too much TV