Rental Car Companies Are Smarter Than Camille Paglia

When I started reading Camille Paglia's (if you don't know of her, think of her as this wild professor who likes to analyze pop culture obsessively and contradict people for fun) essay on under-aged drinking, I was startled to find myself agreeing with her.

It is stupid that people can quit school, fight in a war, get married, be parents and/or vote at 18, but they can't buy booze until they're 21. I mean, it's much easier to care for a bottle of vodka than it is to care for a baby. . .or even a rifle.

But then, as Camille lamented that teenager drinkers would be better off in public bars, learning to have conversations, than they were at frat parties. . .

I realized that no, I don't actually agree with Camille Paglia on something.

Camille is 67 years old. While that makes her young compared to some of the people at my gym, I think we can safely say that she hasn't been a teenager for a while.  And though I haven't either, I did spend a lot of my youth drinking. I suspect Camille was busy actually studying, or she would remember that many bars - especially the kind that appeal to younger people - are filled with fucking idiots. Karaoke? Wet t-shirt contests? Shots? Dance offs? And these are the people we think are mature enough to drink? Let 18 year olds in and there'll be people in wet t-shirts trying to drink the most shots while singing Justin Bieber songs.

Also, even people who can drink legally often attend parties. In fact, Animal House, which was based on the authors' experiences at Dartmouth in the 60s, was about a time when 18 year olds could drink in bars, yet they chose to do it at frat houses sometimes. Also, she claims that date rape has grown more common since teenagers were "forced" to start drinking in private homes. So not only is she clueless about teen party culture, she is equally clueless about date rape. First of all, it's reported more now. Second of all, it's recognized more now than it was back in the day. And third of all, date rape happens when you hang out with a date rapist - whether that's at a bar or at party. Or a library.

Camille would also like to believe that because people in Europe are more relaxed about youthful drinking, with lower drinking ages and sharing of wine at family dinners and whatnot, their teenagers don't act stupid around alcohol. This sounds logical, but we can't just rely on what just sounds logical when we write essays for national magazines (or blog posts, come to think of it). We have to do a little research and see if FACTS back up what we think sounds logical. In this case, they do not. If you don't want to read the very long study I easily found on Google, here's the summary:

Recent data from representative surveys provide no evidence that young Europeans drink 
more responsibly than their counterparts in the US. 
 A greater percentage of young people from all of the European countries except 
Iceland report drinking in the past 30 days. 
 A majority of the European countries included in this study have higher intoxication 
rates among young people than the United States and about one third of the countries 
have equal or lower rates to the United States; and 
 For a majority of these European countries, a greater percentage of young people 
report having been intoxicated before the age of 13. 

But the real reason that I think rental car companies are smarter than Camille Paglia is that they understand what she doesn't; the brain isn't fully mature until you are about 25. Now, I have known plenty of mature and wonderful people who made great decisions in their late teens and early twenties, but the law can't just apply to those people. That's why if you show up at the car rental agency and show them your Google employee i.d. and paycheck stub and stable partner and great credit rating, they still won't let you rent a car if you're under 25.

And if you can't be trusted with a rental car, should you really be trusted with booze? Or guns? Or the decision to fight for your country? Or whether to star in porn movies?

I think we should take a page from the car rental companies and move the other age limits UP to match the one for booze, not bring booze down.

Hell, maybe they should all be moved up to 25. What do you think?

Stay in 2013, Jerks

1. Robin Thicke. I don't care that "Blurred Lines" is supposed to be about his wife, it's rape-y and awful and has nothing on Daft Punk's "Get Lucky".
2. Phil Robertson. He doesn't just bother me because he thinks the Bible gives him license to be homophobic. He doesn't just bother me because he thinks 15 year old girls should be married off. He doesn't just bother me because it is supremely racist to believe what he saw from his co-workers in the Jim Crow South means that he understands what it was like to be African-American at that time, or in this one. He bothers me because the people defending him don't understand that free speech doesn't mean there are no consequences for that speech. 
3. Justin Bieber. I just cannot anymore. His biggest story this year was peeing in a bucket. I long for the day when I don't know shit like that. 
4. People whining that Beyonce is not a feminist. Look, dipshits, if she calls herself a feminist and doesn't do things to block equality, she's a fucking feminist. And we're damn lucky to have her. 
5. Furby Boom. Did they calibrate the voice to be the most annoying thing on the fucking planet? And why is the app only available on Apple products? Not that I want all three of them playing it on the same time on their Kindles. 
6. Megyn Kelly. We don't need any more "facts" about the fictional character based on the non-white guy. 
7. Ani DiFranco. I was actually a bit sympathetic to her plight at first. I mean, I wouldn't plan an event at a former slave plantation, but I've certainly had thoughtless moments before. But then she apologized. . .by discussing how much the outcry affected her and how people of color need to get over their bitterness. The equivalent of hitting a pedestrian, then bitching at them for being in the crosswalk. 
8. People who don't believe in science. Frankly, it baffles me that people who don't believe in evolution  are still around. I mean, the Catholic Church - a place where they still won't accept birth control, divorce and female priests - accepts it. 
9. People who go out to restaurants in their pajamas. It's one thing to do the school run in pajamas, it's quite another to make plans to meet a friend for lunch and refuse to get dressed. Put on some damn yoga pants like the rest of us. 
10. Jonathan Franzen. From the sounds of his rants, he'd probably be more comfortable being left in 1913, but this will have to do. I plowed through The Corrections many years ago, and it's a fine novel. But writing one, or even two (I haven't read Freedom) fine novels does not make you the literary king. So quit acting like you're better than every other writer out there. 

A Virtual Bitch Slap. . .Over Community School Supplies

Just when I was reflecting on how rant-free my blog has been of late, I found a post that made me want to bitch slap the author. Since I believe it's assault (and maybe a felony?) to bitch slap a stranger, plus logistically difficult as the author lives far away, I've decided to give her a virtual bitch slap.

I'll summarize the post because I refuse to link to it: This mom is incensed by the idea of community school supplies. She finds the idea of buying supplies for her kid, which are then "dumped" together with all the other kids' supplies and shared, EVIL.

(It must be nice to live in a world so sheltered that the great evil that befalls children is not illness or abuse or hunger, but having to share school supplies.) 

She goes on to discuss how important it is for kids to learn to take care of their own supplies and be responsible for their own things. Okay, having been a teacher who used community supplies, I can tell you that kids have to be responsible for PLENTY, they don't need to be freaking out about losing their orange crayon or fighting over whose Angry Birds pencil is whose. Even with community supplies, kids have their own notebooks and workbooks and textbooks and agendas. . .isn't that enough to teach responsibility? Not to mention backpacks, hats, gloves, lunchboxes, water bottles, do they really need more?

Then she laments how access to community supplies leads kids to be entitled - how they then feel free to take stuff off of the teacher's desk and how they always assume someone will provide them with papers and pencils. My former students? Many of whom did not exactly have role models at home, never felt entitled to take shit off my desk. EVER. Yet I always had community supplies for them. Hmmm.

I wonder if it's kids who have parents who are so convinced of their special snowflake-ness that they can't imagine sharing supplies who are more likely to feel entitled and less likely to be responsible later in life? #justatheory

Then there's a brief discussion of germs and community supplies. First of all, classrooms are pretty much germfests anyway. Second of all, having shared supplies pretty much guarantees that the kids chide each other for things like chewing on pencils and not washing their hands - I'd argue that it makes the kids more responsible and more interested in hygiene. And any decent teacher removes pencils that have been chewed from the community pot. Duh.

Finally, she goes on and on about how she likes to buy her kids the best, most personalized supplies and how she's happy to donate supplies for those children who don't have their own. How kind. Obviously she's never had sympathy for the kid who's stuck with donated supplies while everyone around him has pencils with their names on them. And even more obviously, she thinks it's a BIG DEAL what pencils and folders her kids use at school.

She might argue that she's only making it a big deal because her kids really want the My Little Pony pencils or whatever. Well, she could buy them and let them use them at home, so why is that a factor here?

She also talks about how much she had to share in her youth and how she loved have school supplies of her very own. As I listed above, kids still have plenty of their own things, even if they share pencils and whatnot. Also, I hated gym as a child, but that doesn't mean I cry about my kids having gym today. It seems supremely unhealthy to actually try to pass childhood traumas onto your own children.

She ends her rant by saying that when supplies go in the community pot, she'll just buy them at Dollar Tree. Uh, why wouldn't you buy them there in the first place? Is your town so snobby that the kids want designer supplies? I mean, I live in a town with some people who are very, very, very financially fortunate and I don't know anyone who wants to spend more money on school supplies.

What's your feeling about sharing school supplies?

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

Every time I look at one of my social media feeds lately, it seems like that's the main message. Be afraid of taking your kids to the pool. Be afraid of taking your kids to the beach. Be afraid of taking your kids to the playground. Be afraid of letting them play in the front yard. Be afraid of letting your kids eat this, drink that, play this game or watch this movie.

I say this as a person who loves to read, who loves to be up on the latest studies and whose kids still hold hands in parking lots:

CALM THE FUCK DOWN, PEOPLE.

It's not like parenting isn't scary enough just knowing that your heart and soul is out there wondering around, being made fun of for not liking Justin Bieber or something equally stupid. It's not like it's not terrifying to be completely responsible for other human beings. So why do we have to make it worse?

I didn't use the site that Tracie uses, but this picture was inspired by her tips nonetheless. 

It's one thing when the local news does it. I mean, fear mongering is what they do best. But when bloggers do it, especially otherwise normal parenting and lifestyle bloggers do it, I get a little ranty. I get that parent blogging has gone beyond sharing funny and heartbreaking stories about our children into personal branding and sharing tips on how to do everything better, but do we really need to emulate the tabloids?

I read this great post on BlogHer about how this woman talks to her African-American sons, about the fear she has for them, especially in light of the death of Trayvon Martin. It's a thoughtful piece that deals with fear.

It's not the kind of post I'm ranting about. To begin with, it wasn't entitled, "Why I'm Afraid Whenever My Sons Drive At Night," or something else hysterical. And it didn't equate her son's brush with the cops with what happened to Trayvon. And it didn't tell me why I should never let my sons drive at night. Like I said, it was thoughtful.

Unlike these other posts; "Why You Should Never Bring Your Baby to the Beach!" "Dangers At the Local Pool!" "The Wii Made My Child Sick!" "My Child Was Stabbed By a Renegade Slide at Our Local Playground!"

Okay, fine. I made up the last one. But only the last one. Of course we'd all like more readers, more clicks and more income from our blogs, but does that mean we have to torment each other? It's one thing to talk about how your parenting choice is the best, it's another to terrify all the sleepy new mothers just discovering parenting blogs.

Things People Should Know

1. Chechnya is not the same as the Czech Republic. Not even close.

2. Strapless dresses don't make teenage boys have lustful thoughts. Teenage boys - and the men they grow into - can pretty much have lustful thoughts at any time, in any place, over any thing. If you don't believe me, look at all the different kinds of fetish porn there are out there.

3. Anna Maria Island, Florida, is totally awesome.

4. The West, Texas disaster was caused by a private company and a lack of government oversight. Yet the same people who voted against aid to Hurricane Sandy victims and who protest "big government" and regulations are now asking for Federal Aid. Those people? Are total assholes.

5. Rape culture exists.

6. You can tell any kind of story you want at Band Back Together. Really.

7. My daughter can go through a hurricane simulator and come out with hair that is even more adorable.

You Are Not A Cat

I saw the worst commercial tonight. Let me set the scene:

Saturday evening. I'm folding laundry while watching a Law and Order: SVU marathon. I'm wondering how many other soccer moms are watching SVU and folding laundry.

And then it happens. I notice that the commercial is talking to CAT PARENTS. "As a cat parent, you want the best for your cat. . . "

There is something about how there's wheat gluten in some brands of cat food. And chicken meal. And corn syrup. I realize that I've basically seen this commercial before, except it was for organic baby food.

For human babies, I mean.

Because cat parents are fucking cats and they don't watch Law and Order: SVU marathons.

Look, I grew up with cats. I've had cats. I like cats. Usually.

My parents spoil their current cats rotten. Like sometimes you will remove human food from their fridge and then be told not to eat it because they actually bought it for the cats. That's the level of devotion we're talking. And yet they don't call themselves CAT PARENTS.

Or even parents of cats, which would be slightly more correct.

Look, I have no problem with organic/healthy/whatever pet food. As long as you also buy organic for yourself and any human offspring you may have, of course.  I can even handle the place in my neighborhood that makes decorated cookies for pets. You can even get them personalized with your pet's name, because apparently if you love your cat enough, it learns to read. Or something.

When I was a single 30 year old woman with cats I did answer the question, "Do you have any kids?" with "Just my cats." But I smiled to let people know that I was joking. Because even though I didn't have any kids, I knew that being able to leave my cats alone all day meant I wasn't exactly parenting them. I knew that my cats, when ill, would hide until they felt better - unlike children. Or husbands. I knew that my cats did not care whether I bought them Christmas presents or just tossed some balled up paper on the floor - unlike children. I knew that I legally owned my cats - unlike children. I knew that I could force my cats to live with me until one of us died - unlike children (excluding those from very dysfunctional families). I knew that I would never have to teach my cats to write their names, dress themselves, read or any of the other approximately million things that parents have to teach little humans.

If you want to say that your pets are like your children, that's fine. If you want to say, "I could only mother cats", go right ahead. But you're not a "cat parent", okay? You're not a cat. And taking care of an animal, even if you are the most devoted pet owner in the world, is not the same as parenting.

Oh, and did I mention that the commercial showed only single women with their cats? No families, no men, no couples. Just single women calling themselves cat parents. Seriously. It was like a Saturday Night Live parody.

(It was for some product called, "Blue". Don't buy it.)

Fuck-off Friday, Part Deux

source:  http://favim.com/image/413169/ 

I want to be an open-minded, kind, tolerant person. But I'm not.

People who can fuck off:

1. Anyone who says, "I'm pro-choice and pro-gay rights and I want healthcare for everyone, but I'm voting for Mitt Romney anyway."

2. Anyone who grew up in New Jersey and bitches about the year they got to live in London.

3. Anyone who is as internet (non)famous as I am but has tons more twitter followers.

4. Whoever asked Mitt Romney if he prefers Snooki or Honey Boo Boo. That's ridiculous. Though I do find it interesting that he prefers unwed mother Snooki to a little girl who hasn't broken any of his rules.

5. Whoever decided that Downton Abbey's 3rd season wouldn't start in the US until 2013. I need Mr. Bates, and I need him now.

6. Whoever thought that having parents fill out the same paperwork year after year after year was a good idea. I bet it was a lobbyist for a paper company.

7. Anyone who unfriends family members over political disagreements.

Move, Asshole!

Over on Mushroom Printing, it's Shut Your Whore Mouth Monday, aka, SYWMM. That means you can rant on your own blog or in the comments about someone who needs to shut the fuck up. I keep forgetting to do it, because I'm disorganized where blogging is concerned. But today I remembered and I conveniently have the perfect candidate: A guy named Thomas.

Thomas recently wrote to the local paper about how terrible it was that our town has ended rear yard trash pick up. This means that instead of just leaving trash cans by our back doors, we actually have to bring them all the way to the curb! (Actually, we always had to do this on my street, but I digress) Even when it's raining or snowing! You can see why Thomas is so upset, can't you? Especially when the cost for rear yard trash pick up is just slightly more than dental insurance for Board of Education employees*. Thomas thinks it's unfair our taxes are going to pay for the dental insurance of the professionals who educate our children when instead those taxes could be making sure that he doesn't have to haul his trash cans out in the rain!

I am not making this up.

He sees this as 115 families (those that are employed by the Board of Ed) versus 2200 families (those who live in town). Not, you know, that dental insurance is included with Board of Ed jobs everywhere and most people don't have rear yard trash pick up because it's really not that freaking hard to roll the can down the driveway once a week. And not only does he think this, he wrote to the paper about it. After the whole trash pick up thing had already been decided. Last year.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Thomas doesn't respect teachers all that much.

I wonder if Thomas gets dental insurance through his own job? (Which, according to my short Google research, could be a little shady). I wonder how he'd feel if his boss cut dental insurance for his employees so the boss could have a limo take him to and from work?

I can't believe I spent 10 minutes researching this guy. I wish he'd SHUT HIS WHORE MOUTH.

*Can you believe rear yard trash pick up for a very small town costs more than dental insurance for over a hundred families? Do you want to start a trash company with me? 

An Open Letter to Brands

Dear (many, but by no means all) Corporate and Advertising Social Media people,

     Hi. I'm a mommy blogger. I'm not famous - not even within mommy blogging circles - but I've been in the community for 4 years or so. I read a lot of bloggers. I hang out on the Twitter. And I'm watching what you're doing to the community that saved my sanity when I had 2 kids in 15 months and quit teaching. And then moved halfway across the country. These are the (mostly) women who prevented me from feeling so alone, who made me laugh exactly when I needed it. And now that you've discovered how awesome they are, you've decided to take advantage.

You sponsor posts, which just means you create a lot of really cheap commercials. You have people host giveaways and "reviews", but negative reviews are not allowed. You throw Twitter parties so that bloggers can maybe earn a gift card. You send us press releases. You take some bloggers on trips so that they're grateful enough to spread your message. You offer coupons. You believe you are doing us all a favor.

Your favor, though, has started a lot of arguments. Now it's true that there have always been arguments in the mommy blogging community - co-sleeping, TV watching, what have you. But the debacle with the Corn Refiners Association, for example, was especially ugly. Now there's a baby feeding app from  Similac causing even more drama. It makes me so frustrated.

What you have to understand, corporate types, is that my blog is my little piece of real estate on the internet. And when you offer me $5 to post your product on a banner across my front window, you'd better have the most amazing product ever. I do not get paid for hanging out on this piece of real estate like "real" journalists. I do not have a union or corporate structure to hide behind if I set off an explosion in my internet yard. Chances are, I bought this piece of real estate because I like writing and the idea of joining a community. Also, I may crave adult interaction. Do not confuse this with a desire to talk about your product.

If you want to advertise on my blog, BUY AN AD. I will not sell space to you if I hate your product, thus my readers are reminded that I approve of your product and you get a sign on my lawn. If you want my opinion on your product, let me sample it and pay me as much as you pay people in your focus groups.  I often make $75 an hour to hang out with you and your product at a focus group, but you want to give me $10 or a free sample for letting you come over to my internet home and hang out for weeks at a time? And in the focus group you value my honesty, but in MY SPACE you want me to lie? Really? Doesn't that seem a little messed up?

Look, I know you've found lots of mommy bloggers willing to do things your way. But just because people are willing to put up with something, that doesn't make it right. People also used to put up with jobs that had no sick days or institutionalizing kids who were different or ostracizing people with AIDS. And then people fought for what was right and the world got better. Don't you want to make the social media world a better place?

Sincerely,
TripleZmom

Hey Kim, Shut the F*** Up

(Notice my language restraint? Because you never know when Lovebug could start reading)

Kim is not my friend or relative. Kim is Kim Gandy, the president of the National Organization of Women. I joined NOW in college. That's right, I don't just call myself a card-carrying feminist, I actually am one. Or, at least I used to be. Apparently my views are starting to differ from mainstream feminism.

Kim Gandy is all over CNN, claiming that Obama's Cabinet picks don't include enough women. For the record, there are five - the same number as Clinton and Bush's first cabinets. Sure, I'd love it if the Cabinet matched the population with a nice 50-50 split, but the world would have to change a lot before I'd go on CNN to complain about it.

In a world where rape victims are blamed and then stoned to death (even Fox covered it), where a quarter of women in the US are victims of domestic violence at some point in their lifetimes and where Viagra is more likely to be covered by insurance than birth control pills we have more important things to complain about on national television.

I suppose it's possible that she did complain about those things and (typically) this is the only complaint that the media embraced. But even if that's what happened, I still want her to shut up. Shouldn't the president of NOW be more media savvy than I am?

And Today's Rant Is. . .

So I see on the news that they have positively identified the bones of Caylee Anthony.

I'm not surprised. I am saddened, of course. I mean, what sane person doesn't find this whole story depressing?

What depresses me more, though, is all the missing kids we don't hear about. Is Caylee Anthony the only kid to have gone missing in the last six months? Unfortunately, no.

But she's probably the only cute little white girl with an attractive single mom to have gone missing in the last six months. Sure, I'd like to think that the only reason the media has been all over this story is that Casey Anthony is a compelling villain, but it's not true. Caylee was adorable. And white.

Jennifer Hudson's missing (black) nephew didn't garner as much coverage as Caylee has.

And I'm not saying that there shouldn't have been so much about Caylee. But over 2000 children go missing EVERY DAY. And roughly 2000 children are murdered by their parents or caretakers every year. So the story of Caylee Anthony is not some weird anomaly that deserves media obsession to the exclusion of stories about all the other missing and murdered kids.

When was the last time you saw a news frenzy about a missing child with dark skin? Excluding Jennifer Hudson's nephew, the last one I can remember occurred when I lived in Kansas City. In that case, it was a story about how they found the remains of a little African-American girl. . . and were hoping someone would identify her. Because the media obviously didn't pick up the story when she went missing.

The other thing that ticked me off during this news story - and during that long ago Kansas City story - was the pile of bears and toys placed near the sites. Not that I begrudge honoring the dead. . .but where were all these caring people when these children were being neglected and abused while they were alive? Were they calling the department of children and family services? Were they offering to baby-sit? Were they giving bears and toys to the family or other needy families? Were they helping the stressed out parents around them?

Maybe they were. But while teaching I saw so many people afraid to get involved. . .often until it was too late. Some of those people were actually grandparents. Which brings me back to Caylee. I think
I blame her grandparents almost as much as I blame her mother.

No, Ms. Martinez is NOT Available

Dear Zola Martinez,

We have never met. Or spoken. Or read each other's blogs. Hell, I don't even know if you have a blog. I'll guess not, because most bloggers I know have more sense than you do. You have made the mistake of giving out my cell phone number to countless online universities.

Possibly you are too stupid to remember your own phone number and you have given mine as a purely innocent mistake. Er, mistakes, since I've already gotten ten phone calls in the last twenty-four hours. To make the same mistake ten times in a row makes me wonder if you are not quite ready for a university education.

Possibly you made up a number when filling out the online university forms, not wanting to admit you didn't have one or maybe fearing giving out your number on the internet. Didn't it occur to you that you were giving out SOMEONE'S number? And that if the admissions offices used that number they would wind up talking to an irate person that was not you? I'm not sure that's the impression you want to give the people who will soon be reviewing your application.

Possibly you are someone I know, someone looking for a way to aggravate me. You have succeeded, but who the hell are you? It's a fairly new number that I only just gave out to people I like. Surely Wendy Lapham and those girls in the band have gotten over their high school hostility by now? And if they haven't, who would have sold me out to them? I only talk to about four people from high school. I don't keep in touch with anyone from college, though I was much nicer then. Unless my ex-husband has somehow tracked me down AND found out that I told people that he liked to wear my underwear under his jeans. I can't think of anyone I've pissed off - except my children and Hot Guy - for months. So the revenge motive doesn't seem a very plausible explanation for the calls I've received.

So I'd appreciate an explanation, Zola, if that's really your name. Are you a complete idiot, a thoughtless schmuck or some kind of psychobitch?

Thanks for your time,

Jerseygirl

What do you guys think is going on? And what should I do about it?

Can't We All Just Get A Clue?

Have you gotten an email "accusing" Barack Obama of being Muslim?

(For the record, I wouldn't really care if he was Muslim, because it's not the typical Muslims, especially not the typical American Muslims, who become crazy terrorists AND it was men who called themselves Christians who caused the Oklahoma City bombing. Just saying.)

What I find especially laughable is that the people passing on these emails are the same people who freaked out over Obama's affiliation with the Reverend Wright - you know, his former pastor at a CHRISTIAN church.

So let's all repeat this together - Barack Obama is NOT a Muslim.

But wait, Fox News reports he attended a Muslim school.

Yeah, when he lived in Indonesia. Where most schools are Muslim. I know a number of people who were sent to Catholic schools because they were better than the nearby public schools. . . . .but it didn't turn any of them Catholic.

So can we please forget this whole guilty by middle name association and skin color thing? It's beneath us as a nation.

Fine, says Fox News, but what about his terrorist hand gesture?

You mean the dapping? With his wife? Common African-American practice? The hand gesture Ironflower learned after high-fiving? The gesture that none of the Iraq vets I know ever saw done between any Middle-Easterners in their entire tours? That gesture?

Well, stutters Fox, his baby mama hates white people.

Er, Obama doesn't have a baby mama. Unless he had kids before he married Michelle. Which I'm SURE would have come out long before now. Oh, you meant Michelle? She can't be his baby mama, she's his wife. And I'm pretty sure the campaign staff would be a lot darker if Michelle truly hated all white people. Perhaps she just hates ignorant white people like you?

I'm sorry if I sound bitter or if I'm preaching to the choir. But I just can't stand that all this ignorance is actually being used to attack Obama. And that former Hillary supporters might vote for McCain because of it.

(Though the ones I saw on some news program - who have some dreadful group called Hillary fans for McCain or something - said that they were voting for McCain because of the sexism against Hillary. I'm not sure how voting for the anti-choice, anti-stem cell research, anti-gay marriage, anti-affordable health care  McCain strikes a blow for feminism, but hopefully there aren't too many of those idiots out there)

I know there are people out there who legitimately support McCain and that's fine. If his politics match yours, great. If you support him because you heard Obama's really a Muslim whose baby mama hates white people, please go back to middle school where you belong. And remember, middle schoolers aren't allowed to vote.

Crone Thoughts

If I was an old curmudgeonly crone, I would complain about these things today. I would bitch and bitch until the nurses brought me a Valium. Unfortunately, while I am edging closer to crone status, no one is bringing me any Valium. So instead I blog.

Things That Tick Me Off:

1. The "Right To Dry" movement: This a movement for people who are ticked off because their communities' bylaws won't allow them to put up clotheslines. Yes, in an age where we are at war, where people are starving to death every day, where for every cured disease there are three new ones, these people are fighting for. . . .clotheslines. Ever heard of moving? Using the basement? Using the bathroom? I mean, do we really need a movement for this?

2. Chocolate Altoids: I LOVE chocolate. I like Altoids. But this combination is just wrong. It's not that I don't like minty chocolate, but there are levels. Altoids are too strong. I mean, I also like french fries, but that doesn't mean they need to be coated in chocolate. Sometimes you want chocolate, sometimes you want fried goodness and sometimes you want a breath mint that will cure garlic. It doesn't mean all the good stuff has to go together.

3. Starbucks in My Grocery Store: If you live in any region but the northeast, trust me when I say that your grocery store can handle a Starbucks. Mine can't. Here in Bergen County, land is scarce. Stores are small. You are lucky if you can get two carts across an aisle. With the stores already overcrowded, why are we taking up precious space with a Starbucks? There are already FOUR places to get morning coffee in our town of less than 7,000. Besides, who really wants to spend more time at the grocery store? Are you really going to meet a friend for coffee. . .at the grocery store?

4. Missy, SuperClassParent: Yesterday was Ironflower's preschool's fundraiser at Barnes and Noble. Basically, the more money you spent at the store, the more money the school got. The teachers all had wish lists, yadda, yadda. I overheard the event organizer talking about big spenders this morning. Missy spent $500 yesterday. On the teachers, not even on Christmas gifts. Who spends that? Okay, I would love to. But that is so not gonna happen.

So, please tell me I'm not the only one. What dumb stuff is ticking you off today? (children and husbands not included, because that goes without saying)

Get Your Boobs Out, People!

Dear Bill Maher, Facebook and Others Who Never Matured Past Seventh Grade,

In some of the arguments against breastfeeding I've heard it likened to masturbating, urinating and defecating in public.

As someone who spent 26 months of her life breastfeeding, I can assure you it feels NOTHING like masturbating. But even if it did, the point of breastfeeding is FEEDING. Breastfeeding is not some twisted way women get off, it is a way for babies to EAT. The best way, in fact.

That's why it's different from urinating, defecating and any other private acts people talk about. No one does those things in public. I don't change my babies' diapers in public either. Why? Because PEOPLE DON'T PEE IN PUBLIC.

People do eat in public and there's no reason for babies to be any different. If knowing that my baby is sucking on my nipple makes YOU uncomfortable, that's YOUR problem. I am personally uncomfortable with people who pray in public, but I'm not going around trying to stop them. I know that it's MY issue, not theirs.

I remember when a former colleague of mine came back from maternity leave. I asked her how breastfeeding was going and she blushed bright red and said, "It was too hard." Now, this was a very modest, innocent until marriage kind of girl. But also a devoted mother. I eventually found out that even though she knew breastfeeding was best for her baby and she had wanted to, it was too "embarrassing for her family."

Why were they embarrassed? Because of people like you. And you know what, I'm REALLY offended by it. Next time I see you in a restaurant, I'd prefer it if you'd go eat in the bathroom.

Sincerely,
TripleZmom